Church Shopping

In 45+ years of pastoring, I have spoken to many visitors in our worship services who informed me they were church shopping. I really didn’t appreciate the term. It sounded too “consumerish” for me. What I heard was, “We are looking for a church where our needs are met and we are made to feel comfortable. There needs to be convenient parking, a quality nursery for our little ones, programs for our older kids and the sermons need to be, short, entertaining and stress-free.” One day a fellow firefighter told he was attending a certain, well-known church in the area because the pastor commenced his sermons with 10 minutes of stand-up comedy. I’ll admit that I often say funny things during my sermons. I don’t plan to, it just pops out – it is who I am. But my humor is not the point of the sermon. They seem to be seeking a comfortable Christianity with a generous, problem-solving God. In my view, a consumer Christian looks like this. (Click for video)

Now my wife and I are looking for a church home (church shopping). So far, the results have been disappointing. I guess we could be called consumer Christians, too. But I’m pretty sure our “Shopping List” is unique. At least I haven’t heard of anyone else using one like it. Before I share my list, allow me to share some background information that may help make the list more understandable.

I grew up in the church. It was a nice church filled with nice people. I made many friends, but none of them was named Jesus. After seventeen years of attending worship services, Sunday school, youth group, and youth retreats, I went off to college without God. I wasn’t rebelling against my upbringing, I was just clueless about God. Who God is and what He is like was a mystery to me. It never occurred to me to read the Bible or pray before I made a decision. God was just not on my radar.

While in college my older brother shared with me a different look at Christianity, one I had never heard before. I believed there was a God, but I was sure He was pretty ticked. The only way I could please Him was to follow His rules, and that wasn’t happening. I envisioned God as a celestial killjoy, waiting to catch me having fun and telling me to stop it. All He had in mind for me was to make sure I had no fun.

Much like angry parents, God was to be avoided. Brother Bob explained to me that God, in fact, loves me. My sin had created a barrier between me and God which God wiped away through the death and resurrection of His son, Jesus Christ, And now I can have a relationship with Jesus. Thus, Christianity is not a religion but a relationship with God. That changed everything for me. It was the beginning of my journey to know God and to allow God to know me better.

The next experience that impacted what I am looking for in a church, happened while I was attending seminary. In the spring semester of 1970, a revival broke out. When I say Revival I mean, instead of being a special series of sermons preached to motivate church members, this was a spontaneous outpouring of the Holy Spirit. It was amazing and life-changing. I saw and experienced first hand the presence and power of the Spirit of God. I saw peoples’ hearts changed, others physically healed, and others emotionally healed. These were people I knew and thus knew their changes and healings were real. As Tommy Boy would say, “That’s going to leave a mark.” (Click for video) And it did. I could not deny what I had seen and experienced. (Worth watching.)

It was during my time serving Beargrass Christian Church as Youth Minister in the early 70s that God showed up again. I started that ministry with 12 high schoolers that had just returned from Expo 72, and they were on fire for God. We prayed together, we worshipped together, we studied the Word together, we hung out together, and we believed together. And God powerfully invaded our space. It was awesome and life-changing, and some of those young people, who contacted me later in life, told me it ruined them for church. I knew just what they meant. When the group grew to 150, other youth leaders in the Louisville area asked me my secret. I had no secret or plan. Just go after God with all you have and hide in the bushes and watch. All I knew was that God showed.

The last time I saw God show up in power, love and answered prayer was the last church I pastored.  By then I had finally discovered “the secret” of leading a church into the presence and power of the Holy Spirit. Don’t think I’m smart because it is so simple. The secret is: pray for the church; preach from the Bible so the people fall in love with their Father God; give people opportunities to grow and encourage them to take advantage of those opportunities; only allow spiritually growing people in leadership positions and them get out of God’s way. It is scary, but fun. One never knows what God may do, but it will be good.

So, we are church shopping and I am doing it encumbered with all of my amazing experiences. It sure makes looking for a church difficult. We’re not looking for “the average church”, where one must muscle one’s way in. Where worship is made up of three lifelessly sung hymns or praise songs, a short non-challenging sermon or a message on politics (Like, I don’t hear enough about that all week and the government is going to save us – remember one of the world’s greatest lies, I’m from the government and I’m here to help.), confined within an order of service that God is not invited to interrupt. Where the “Plan for Discipleship” is made up of a couple of poorly attended Sunday school classes and a mid-week Bible Study led by the pastor. Where missions consist of giving money so someone else can go do mission work for us.

So, here is my shopping list:

• Vibrant worship centered on glorifying God: God Is GLORIFIED; Christ is EXALTED; The Holy Spirit HAS THE FREEDOM TO MINISTER; The Believer IS ENCOURAGED IN HEART AND MIND; The Unbeliever is DRAWN TO CHRIST).
• Ministries led and supported by the church’s laity.
• A clearly understandable system of discipleship that leads to individual spiritual growth.
• High expectations of member’s participation in a healthy small group.
• A loving and welcoming atmosphere for ALL who attend, with as many barriers as possible to newcomers removed.

If you know of such a church, save me some time and tell me where it is.

Copyright © 2019, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved

Bill McConnell is an Interim Minister, a Church Transformation consultant and a Christian Leadership Coach. He is a frequent speaker at Church Transformation events. His latest book on church transformation is DEVELOPING A SIGNIFICANT CHURCH and is available at Westbow Press. He can be contacted @ bill45053@gmail.com. Connect with him on Facebook @ William T. McConnell or on Twitter @billmc45053 or visit his Amazon Author Page @ Amazon author page

Dealing with Challenging People in the Church

Having been around for a long time, I have often heard people describe their churches as being like “a family.” That description causes me to think. I have been a part of churches like that: a family—a profoundly dysfunctional family. Most congregations live with strained relationships. The strained relationships in a congregation are rarely brought out on the table and talked about—dysfunctional behavior.
Our motivation toward inaction may be to believe talking about the problem would not be polite. Somehow we have developed the idea that, as Christians, we must be nice and that being nice means putting up with other people’s poor behavior. Perhaps we fear that talking about our problems will just make them worse. Or that a fight might break out. We live in the hope that, if we ignore our problems, they will just go away. But they don’t. They just remain under the surface and fester, and the church family remains dysfunctional.

But somehow even occasional visitors to worship services sense the tension that our unresolved problems cause. The visitors can’t quite put their fingers on what it is about the church that bothers them, but they are not interested in becoming a part of that church family. You certainly can’t blame them. Most of them feel that if they wanted to fight, they could just stay home on Sunday morning. That would have worked in my family.

For whatever reason or reasons, churches tend to ignore broken relationships and pretend that there is nothing wrong with their problem people. One of the first difficult things a leader will find himself or herself doing in revitalization is confronting some longtime members about their unacceptable behavior. Soon after arriving at Faith Christian Church in Omaha, Nebraska, Doug Pfeiffer confronted old problems. Doug approached these hurts and problems head on. In his words, “The church continued to struggle with the sudden and misunderstood departure of the long-term former pastor. We talked about this incident head on when it surfaced. Another was long-standing feuds between families and leaders. We dealt with conflict and dealt with it head on—bringing parties together to talk through the issues.” Doug’s loving but no-nonsense approach soon led his church beyond these problems and helped prepare the church for transformation.

Like many families, many churches have people who control those around them by using anger whenever something doesn’t go their way. Churches find themselves tiptoeing around their problem people and not even suggesting some new ministries for fear of setting off those people. I have difficulty understanding why churches often not only attract people with borderline personality disorders but often move those people into positions of leadership. Such people take it as their calling in life to keep the church from having a positive impact in their community.

Hasn’t every church had something proposed and found that a vast majority of the people, if not excited about the proposal, are at least willing to give it a try? Then someone begins to complain. They complain and gather a couple more complainers into their corner. Suddenly, a perfectly good ministry is stopped in its tracks because a vocal minority is against it. The minority rules because we don’t want to make anyone angry. Well, that’s not true. We probably make lots of people very angry while we are working so hard on keeping Mr. Cranky happy. The “new people” who proposed the new ministry, quietly leave the church, things remain the same, and some old-time members wonder what ever happened to that nice young couple who joined last year.

Possibly the church’s hurts, heartaches, and brokenness are in the distant past. Most people may counsel the leadership to leave well enough alone. I would urge a church to have a healing service. In that service, the church (people) would write on small pieces of paper the hurts and disappointments they have suffered. These could be brought to the altar where a prayer of forgiveness and healing would be offered. The people could be urged in the following week to seek reconciliation wherever possible.

If the people who have broken relationships still attend the church, it is very important to get those folks into the same room for a healing service. They need to talk about the circumstances of their strained relationship, hear what each other has to say, ask for forgiveness, and pray with and for each other. This is easier said than done. Most people will do almost anything to avoid such a “confrontation.” But once it has happened, it is amazing to feel the difference in the atmospheric pressure in the church.

These cranky barrier people and guardians of the status quo often wield great power in the life of the church. Often, they have been around a long time, have taken on some of the most difficult and unpopular jobs in the church (such as teaching junior high boys or chairing the evangelism committee), or have worked hard to position themselves in key leadership roles. Other church members would rather do anything to keep them where they are so they don’t get stuck with that job. Somehow we get the idea that seniority matters in the church and that if one has seniority then he or she wields extra power and influence. As members of the church board, they have convinced other members that the job of the board is to keep any new things presented from happening. The board, and some church lay leaders who no longer serve on the board but are perceived to have power, become the gatekeepers and keep the church safe from change. These guardians have several methods of controlling the direction of the church. As much as we hate to face it, many of these methods are unhealthy. Acceptance of such behavior by others in the church is why many church systems are dysfunctional. Among the weapons in the guardians’ arsenals are: temper tantrums, threats to withhold financial support, leaving the church and trying to influence as many as possible to come with them, gathering allies and attacking (usually just verbally) those who disagree with them, and demanding that the pastor resign.

Such behavior must not be tolerated. It must be confronted and named for what it is. Most people don’t care for confrontation. I know I don’t. But if one is going to truly be a leader, he must learn the art of positive, healthy confrontation. In fact, willingness to confront negative, unhealthy behavior in the church is a sign of leadership. It takes courage, prayer, faith, and a deep love for the church to confront people in the church who are damaging the church by their unhealthy, hurtful behavior. Such confrontation should be done in private meetings, but the leader should never go into such a meeting alone. Doing so sets one up to be misunderstood, misquoted, and misrepresented. Always do confrontation with at least one witness who has credibility in the church. At times a leader has no choice but to confront a problem of a problem person in a public forum. This should be done only when you are left with no alternatives.

Dealing with problem people is something that does not need to be done very often. Just as problem people get reputations in the church around their behavior, a leader willing to confront problems and problem people also quickly gets a reputation. People soon come to understand that poor behavior will not be tolerated; and such behavior quickly ceases, or problem people quickly move on to other churches or organizations where their behavior will be tolerated. But we are slow to do the needed confrontation because confrontation doesn’t seem nice.

Sometimes it is difficult to deal with problems and problem people because of the subtle methods they use or because of their passive/aggressive behavior. But sooner or later the opposition will rise to the surface. It is important to know this so that the church leadership is not blindsided by the opposition. Rev. Judy Turner tells of an experience she had several years ago, early in her work of church transformation. “Some of the leaders opposed passively, not showing up or participating in new gatherings or groups I initiated. Others expressed ‘concern’ to me about how many people were upset by what I was doing. When I was on vacation, some of the congregation got together and signed a letter asking me to resign, which arrived by certified mail when I returned.” This attempt at sabotaging her ministry instead led to confrontation that enabled her to move ahead with the transformation of the church.

It is important to keep in mind that some of the old guard, though not necessarily in favor of some changes that need to be made, can probably live with the changes. Pastor Brad Powell of NorthRidge Church in Plymouth, Michigan, gives some excellent advice in dealing with longtime members in times of transformation and change. “Unfortunately, leaders sometimes make the mistake of seeing these veterans as the enemy. While some people do become negative and disruptive, they’re still God’s people who have given sacrificially to start, build, and grow the church. The goal isn’t to get rid of them, but to get them so committed to being like Jesus that they’re willing to sacrifice what they love to reach those whom God loves.”

This blog is an excerpt from my book, RENEW YOUR CONGREGATION: HEALING THE SICK AND RAISING HE DEAD.

Copyright © 2015, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved

Bill McConnell is Senior Minister at Lindenwood Christian Church in Memphis, Tennessee and is a Church Transformation consultant and a Christian Leadership Coach. He is a frequent speaker at Church Transformation events. His latest book on church transformation is DEVELOPING A SIGNIFICANT CHURCH and is available at Westbow Press. He can be contacted @ bill45053@gmail.com. Connect with him on Facebook @ William T. McConnell or on Twitter @billmc45053 or visit his Amazon Author Page @ Amazon.

Locked Out of Church

It was Tuesday evening and my Life Group was deeply involved in our weekly meeting. Ironically we were discussing doing evangelism as a small group. During that conversation one of our group members, whom we assumed wasn’t coming, arrived late to the meeting. I won’t call her by name. Sally (oops) texted one of the members and said, “Hi y’all – church doors locked – can someone let me in?” That was her first of five texts to a group member who had shut off her phone. Finally she texted another group member, “HELP! OPEN THE DOOR!” What a great example of evangelism as we talked about evangelism.

There is nothing friendlier than a locked door, is there? What is a better way to make someone feel welcome at church, or anywhere, than by locking the door?

Every church I have ever been associated with has told me that they are friendly. In my denomination we like to talk about hospitality. For us that is about inviting everyone to participate in communion. Unfortunately sometimes we fail to be welcoming in the time and space between a guest’s arrival in the parking lot and being seating in the worship area. We expend much time, energy and words talking about welcoming people different than we and lose track of just being welcoming to everyone who shows up.

Many of us church folks fail to understand that visitors to a church worship service have decided whether they are coming back, or not, well before the sermon has started. And a big part of that decision is based on how they were welcomed (or not) upon their arrival. As much as it galls us preachers, the sermon is not on the top three list of why people come back to church after a primary visit. Unfortunately our (we think) fabulous preaching comes behind: a friendly and adequate welcome; a safe, clean and well-staffed nursery; and clean restrooms. Boy that can burst your “I am important” bubble.

Several years ago I was serving a church in a ministry to young adults and singles. I had gotten word of a Methodist Church in Louisville, Kentucky, that had a great singles ministry so I went there to visit on a Sunday morning. I remember getting out of my car, looking at the church, and thinking, where in the world to I start? Within seconds a very friendly person showed up in the parking lot and asked if I could use some help. They took the time to take me where I needed to be. Not only was the door unlocked, they were ready for visitors.  

I often enter into conversations with unchurched people who feel, in many ways, locked out of church. They feel they are different and thus unwelcome. They think they have to believe first before they can attend. That they need to make lifestyle changes before they would be welcomed. That there are “secret” things they must know and do before they can fit in. That if they come to worship they will stick out like a sore thumb, do something stupid, be singled out as an outsider or a sinner, used as a bad example, excluded from the insider, Christian part of the service. They fear being ignored and they fear being overwhelmed by aggressive, religious people. They thought of going to a worship service is very stressful to them. They feel locked out.

Church folks, it is time for us to unlock the church doors. Because the people out there who do not yet know and have not yet experienced God’s love and grace are trying to get inside the church to hear that message. “HELP! OPEN THE DOOR!”

Copyright © 2014, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved

Bill McConnell is Senior Minister at Lindenwood Christian Church in Memphis, Tennessee and is a Church Transformation consultant and a Christian Leadership Coach. He is a frequent speaker at Church Transformation events. His latest book on church transformation is DEVELOPING A SIGNIFICANT CHURCH and is available at Westbow Press. 

He can be contacted @ bill45053@gmail.com. Connect with him on Facebook @ William T. McConnell or on Twitter @billmc45053 or visit his Amazon Author Page @ William T. McConnell

Worship in the 21st Century Church

The church I presently serve has had a contemporary worship service for almost 15 years. They

have done this type of worship well for a very long time. The contemporary worship services at this church are some of the most deeply spiritually moving I have ever been in. What is different for me is having professional musicians as worship leaders. They have a completely different way of expressing things than I am used to hearing. Last week I heard these phrases during worship prep: “I will change instruments when I feel you ramping down.” “Don’t use a bunch of worship jargon.” “While you are praying I will be grooving in the background.” “Back out of the prayer time gently.” My favorite was when we were talking about opening the service and the praise leader said to the minister, “Just say something profound and spiritual.” Gosh, I thought everything I said was profound and spiritual. It is an interesting bunch to work with. I love them.

Several weeks ago I was engaged in conversation with one of our senior members who attends our wonderful traditional worship service. She was sharing with me about how much she enjoys the worship and music in the service she attends and really can’t understand why anyone would want to attend the contemporary worship. To her ears, the music is just noise. I am thinking she feels about contemporary Christian music like I feel about rap music – that’s not music. She was shocked and amazed when I told her that some of the deepest spiritual experiences I have ever had were during contemporary worship.

I have been involved in what is known as “Contemporary Worship” since the early 1970’s. I have seen it move through several changes and the genre has morphed in many ways. Each decade has fostered a change in songs and musical approach – a generation of praise music. When I was first involved there were no publishing companies involved in the movement and songs were passed around the church and the nation through word of mouth. If I heard a song while worshiping in Kansas City, I would write it down and take the song to my church in Louisville. It was cool to watch that happen. It felt a little 1^st Century.

Slowly publishing houses were established that started providing songbooks, chord charts, music tapes and then CDs and then worship DVDs. There was Maranatha Praise and Worship, Vineyard Music, Hosanna Music, Integrity’s Praise! Music, Brentwood-Benson, Word, Hillsong and the list goes on. It has grown from nobody publishing that “new stuff” to a multimillion dollar industry.

Contemporary/Praise worship has been exciting to me because it was a great opportunity to move from doing worship as I had known it to something very different. The greatest change needed was not in music style but in the basic intent in our worship and what it accomplished. I know, because I was there, that for most of the 20^th century the church became proficient in developing what could be called the consumer church. People came to church to consume; to have spiritual their needs met; to develop networks of friends; to have a place to marry them and bury them; to have Christian education provided for their children; to hear a good sermon (whatever that is) and enjoy some good music. People often bluntly state that they are church shopping. We came to church to take, not give. Mission and ministry opportunities were extremely limited. The emphasis was on hands-off missionary work. We paid someone to do it for us and prayed God never called us to the mission field. Not us – we had lives to live.

Sunday morning was the ultimate consumer experience. We went to a worship service. There was little emphasis on worship and a great emphasis on consuming. The average family went and occupied a pew and felt we were doing our Christian duty and doing God a favor by just showing up. We sat and watched and observed and critiqued. It wasn’t that blatant but it was close. After worship we gathered with family and friends and critiqued the sermon. Was it interesting? Was it understandable? Was it doctrinally correct? Was it too long? What was the theme? Next we moved on to the choir. Did you like the selection? Could you understand the words they were singing? Did anybody hit a wrong note? Next on the agenda were the Elders. How were the prayers? Too long or too short? Did they wander from the subject? Sunday dinner was critique time.

In all of the critiques I sat through, I never heard the most important, necessary and critical question asked: “Was God pleased with our worship?” In fact, mention of God never showed up in those sessions. It is not because we didn’t care about God, it was because we were a part of the consumer church and in that church those kinds of questions never came up.

My excitement about and hope for contemporary worship was that we could move from watching worship to participating in worship. And, for me, a few times in a few places that has happened. And when it does, it is awesome. God shows up and it is a powerful, moving, empowering and life changing experience.

Christianity in America still tends toward being a spectator sport that is watched and enjoyed but is rarely participated in. But I see a trend in the church of the 21^st Century of a church that is becoming more missional, more participatory, more hands on. And that is happening some in worship. Lately many have been saying, “Don’t go to church; be the church.” May I add this: don’t go to worship; be the worship.

 Copyright © 2014, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved

 Bill McConnell is Senior Minister at Lindenwood Christian Church in Memphis, Tennessee and is a Church Transformation consultant and a Christian Leadership Coach. He is a frequent speaker at Church Transformation events. His latest book on church transformation is DEVELOPING A SIGNIFICANT CHURCH and is available at Westbow Press. He can be contacted @ bill45053@gmail.com. Connect with him on Facebook @ William T. McConnell or on Twitter @billmc45053.

Can a Church Be Unfixable

In conversation with a clergy colleague whom I used to coach in leading a church in transformation (Her church ran out of money to pay me but that hasn’t stopped us from talking.) she asked the somewhat rhetorical question, “Are some churches unfixable?” That really got me thinking.

Theoretically and theologically (According to my theology which believes God can do anything.) no church is unfixable. When I consult with churches, I am often asked by church pastors and lay leaders if I believe their church is going to make it. Honestly, sometimes I have my doubts. It is not unusual for a church to not realize their need for revitalization and transformation until things have become grim. Many of our churches are not just unhealthy, they are on life support and it is time to pull the plug. But if you suggest that to the church leadership they want to give you a sound beating. If church leaders would direct their passion toward transformation instead of denial, more churches would be transformed and flourish.

Most leaders are unaware that a normal church loses an average of 10% of its membership on a good year. If there is change in the church or if there is conflict, the decline will often be much more dramatic. That means that most churches need to bring in a minimum of 10% of their present membership to stay even. Honestly, it is an unusual church that experiences that much “Growth.” Thus, most are consistently losing ground on a regular basis. Often the decline is very slow, incremental and hard to detect. Unless, of course we have one of our good old fashioned church fights that poisons the atmosphere in the church and speaks volumes to the surrounding unchurched about all that is wrong with the church. No doubt the unchurched look at the church in open warfare over issues that seem inconsequential to them (And are usually inconsequential to the church, really.) and think, “See, I knew there were good reasons to not go to church.” Every preconceived negative notion they have about the church is proven when we just have to have a fight. One of the best things we could do for evangelism and church growth is to think about how our fight will affect others before we have one. And then not have it.

But the question of the day is, are some churches unfixable? To answer that, allow me to share a story from early in my ministry journey. I was a student minister the Christian Church in Waddy, Kentucky. The Christian Church in Waddy is one of those wonderful churches that are willing to put up with the ineptness of student ministers to have a sermon every Sunday and help kids like me gain some experience and hone some skills. I still think fondly of those wonderful people. One summer day a car pulled up in front of the parsonage and a lovely young woman, who was a stranger to me, emerged. She introduced herself and told me that her mother was a member of the church. Her mother, Nellie, had not attended for a long time because of a chronic illness. In fact, she had stopped by to let me know her mother was in the hospital in Shelbyville and ask me to go visit her. I was happy to and left almost immediately for the hospital.

When I entered Nellie’s room I was struck by how small she was. A better word would be emaciated. She could not have weighed more than 100 pounds. As we conversed she shared that she had come to the hospital because she could not hold down any food. I asked her how long she had been ill. She said, “About 20 years.” I thought, but didn’t say, Wow! Later in the conversation I mentioned that I had met her daughter and we talked about her for a while. Having a child, I assumed she was married so I asked about her husband. At that question an amazing change came over her. Within seconds Nellie’s demeanor totally changed. No longer warm and engaging, she became hostile and surly. It was as if a storm had suddenly internally overtaken her. Her voice even changed. It took on an edge. She told me she was no longer married. That she and her daughter’s father had divorced. From her profoundly negative response I thought the divorce must have been recent. Divorces take some time to get over – to get past. There is a grieving period.

Again I was completely floored when she said they had been divorced for several years. My mind started clicking and I asked her exactly how long they had been divorced. She replied, “About 20 years.” In my head the lights flashed and the warning sirens went off: Twenty years sick and twenty years literally hating her ex-husband’s guts. Sounded like a significant connection to me.

Being young and stupid I asked her, “Nellie, have you ever considered that your illness and your obvious hatred for your ex-husband could be connected? Could it be that your hatred and unforgiveness are causing you to be ill?” She looked me directly in the eye for what seemed to be a very long time and then said, with the light coming on behind her eyes, “Yes. I believe there is a connection.”

“Would you like for me to pray with you so you can forgive your ex and seek God’s healing?” I will never forget her reply. She simply said, “I’d rather die.” And she did.

So, can a church be unfixable. Yes, but only if it chooses to be. When a church is confronted with the need to change; with the need for transformation and refuses, it is saying the same thing Nellie said to me all those years ago in that Shelbyville, Kentucky, hospital. I’d rather die.

And that is, to me, the surprising answer I hear from many churches. They don’t say they would rather die. But they do refuse to change and that is basically declaring a death wish. And that is Unfixable.


Bill McConnell is Senior Minister at Lindenwood Christian Church in Memphis, Tennessee and is a Church Transformation consultant and a Christian Leadership Coach. He is a frequent speaker at Church Transformation events. His latest book on church transformation is DEVELOPING A SIGNIFICANT CHURCH and is available at http://bookstore.westbowpress.com/Products/SKU-000690219/Developing-a-Significant-Church.aspx. He can be contacted @ bill45053@gmail.com. Connect with him on Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/pages/William-T-McConnell/812462358785951 or on Twitter @bill45053.
Copyright © 2014, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved

9 Reasons Unsociable People Like Social Media

There is a lot of chatter around the subject of the sociability of social media. Many questions are being asked. And many of them are good questions. Is social media good for our society or are there too many negatives to the large amount of time many people spend on social media? Do we spend so much time and energy connecting with people in the cyber world that we are failing to fully live a non-cyber life?

If you are observant you have seen a table full of teens or young adults in a restaurant with their faces buried in their smart phones texting other people about what they are doing. Which seems strange to me because all they are doing is sitting in a restaurant not talking to the people they have chosen to spend the evening with while texting people they have chosen to not be with. (Yes I know about prepositions.) The question is asked, “Are we missing the moments of life as we attempt to record the moments of life?” We have all seen the people who, during a child’s performance in a play or at a recital, are busy scurrying around the room attempting to get the best shot or camera angle. Will they have to go home and watch the video to really see the performance?

It is not unusual for me to forget my smart phone and go a day without it. Even so, I have been a bit concerned that I am too tethered to it. Yesterday I downloaded an app that registers how many times a day I check my phone. Of course, I have to check my phone to check the app that tells me how many times I check my phone. Somehow, that just seems wrong.

Often I go to lunch and leave it sitting on my desk. The only thing that motivates me to carry it is that if my wife calls me more than twice and I fail to pick up she assumes something horrible has happened to me. I hate to cause her that heartache and concern, so I try to remember to carry my phone. But I will admit that eating lunch without my phone works for me. Unlike some of colleagues who seem to spend a majority of the lunch hour texting and chatting on their phones. No doubt these conversations are of great importance but they leave me, the person sitting with them, feeling rather unimportant and out of the loop. I occasionally think about texting them just so I can have their attention. Since when did the people calling or texting us take priority over the people we are with physically? It is like the old days when I found myself in the check out at a department store and the clerk would stop checking me out to answer a phone call. Why does the phone take precedence? For years I have had the policy: If I am busy, my phone is busy. If I am with someone I will not pick up a call. (Unless it is my wife. Reason already stated.)

Here is the other side of that coin. Social media – Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, texting and all the other forms it come in, works best for people like me. I am an introvert. Those who don’t understand introverts assume we are unsociable or antisocial. Not true. We introverts love people and we love conversations: Only we like you in small doses and are only interested in talking about meaningful matters. We love to talk but we abhor small talk. And even though most might not think it is designed for us, the “unsociable”, social media is a gift from God.

Unsociable people love social media because:

1. We can engage with you when and as often as we want to – or not.
2. We can end the conversations with the click of a button.
3. If you get on our nerves, we can unfriend you.
4. You can send us long texts and we don’t have to read them and you still got to say all you wanted to say.
5. We can answer you with an emoticon. Like this.
6. We can mark your email as spam and never see it or feel a need to read or respond to it.
7. If we don’t want to check Facebook we don’t have to look at it. For days at a time.
8. We save time because we think: Why spend three minutes texting you when we could just call you. And then we think: If I call you I have to talk to you – forget it. Thus we save all that time.
9. Twitter allows the user a message of no more than 140 characters. That is pretty much our maximum message anyway.

So, if you are looking for me, check out social media. And if I fail to respond to you try not to take it personally.

 Copyright © 2014, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved

Bill McConnell is Senior Minister at Lindenwood Christian Church in Memphis, Tennessee and is a Church Transformation consultant and a Christian Leadership Coach. He is a frequent speaker at Church Transformation events. His latest book on church transformation is DEVELOPING A SIGNIFICANT CHURCH and is available at Westbow Press. He can be contacted @ bill45053@gmail.com. Connect with him on Facebook or on Twitter @bill45053.

Why I Love the Church

Let me begin by telling the reader that I love the church. I say that often because I am a critic of the church and my criticism could give the impression that I don’t like the church. I love it but know it could be better. One of the most often repeated comments about the church of our culture is something to the effect of, “I like Jesus but I don’t like his church.” A more honest rendition of this sentiment would be, “I like Jesus and his church; I just don’t like the people who populate it.”

Supposedly Mahatma Gandhi put it like this: "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." That is a great quote to address the hypocrisy of those of us who populate the church. Unfortunately I feel Gandhi didn’t know what he was talking about. I think that because, if he had known and understood the Jesus that is so clearly shown through Scripture, he wouldn’t just like him. He would fall at his feet and proclaim Jesus Lord of his life. Gandhi, like many people, knew something about Jesus but failed to really know and understand who Jesus really is. The theoretical, held at arm’s length, historical character Jesus is easy to like. His teachings are brilliant. His message is engaging. But when Jesus held up close and personal, when Jesus is known, he must be loved, worshiped, followed and obeyed. Liking Jesus is just appallingly inadequate.

Any group, made up of real people, is going to be problematic. People are people and human nature is human nature. Thus, the church WILL pretty consistently fail to be what it is called to be. But that should never stop the church from continuing to seek to be what it is called to be – The Body of Christ – the physical representation of Christ to this generation. The problem with the church has been and always will be the people. Just as Scripture says, human beings are flawed, fallen and sinful. To expect us to be otherwise is ludicrous. And I believe to reject the church because the people of the church do things you don’t like or approve of is disingenuous.

I fully realize that some of the people of the church, and sometimes entire churches, can be narrow-minded and judgmental. That is one of the most obvious criticisms those outside of the church have of the church. But, some of the most critical, judgmental, and narrow-minded people I have encountered have no interest in Christ and no affiliation with the church. That is not an excuse for the poor behavior of Christians. It is just an observation that glass houses and stones are involved in this discussion.

I love the church for several reasons. Allow me to share some of those with the reader.

• The church was Jesus’ idea. I’m a little uncomfortable criticizing and second guessing Jesus.
• The church allows people like me in.
• The church will allow people like you in.
• The church is God’s method of spreading the Good News of His love and mercy and forgiveness.
• The church is the place where I can fail – fall flat on my face – and they will love me anyway. They will pick me up, brush me off and get me going in the right direction again. Not all churches will do this, but mine will.
• The church is where I can ask my dumb questions and they will help me find answers.
• The church provides the place, the tools and the atmosphere where I can most effectively grow spiritually.
• The church provides me multiple opportunities to do mission work and impact my community in positive ways.
• Finally - Jesus called the church his Bride. I’m thinking he loves the church. When was the last time you told a friend, “I like you but I can’t stand your wife?” Where I come from those are fighting words. I guess if the church is good enough for Jesus, it is good enough for me.

The church is far from perfect and always will be as long as people are involved. But the church is God’s idea and plan. Christianity (and Christians and the church) will always be easy to criticize and difficult to live and be. But it is what God has called us to be and do. So let’s just slog along, doing the best we can and continue to pray God has his way in our lives and in our churches.

“If you should find the perfect church: Without one fault or smear, For goodness sake, don't join that church; You'd spoil the atmosphere.”¹

¹ “The Perfect Church” by Mavis Williams

Copyright © 2014, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved

Know It All

Have you ever known a know-it-all? Of course you have. Aren’t they irritating? If they think they know it all about just about any subject but don’t, there is just no talking to them. And if they think they are a know-it-all and aren’t, you are almost overcome by a huge urge to strangle them to put both them and you out of your misery.

With that said, I must admit that I am a know-it-all. At least that is how I am often billed when it comes to the subject of church transformation. I must be a know-it-all since I have written two books on the subject (Renew Your Congregation and Developing a Significant Church), lead seminars on the subject all across the country, have consulted with several churches and coach several pastors in the leading of transformation in their churches. The difference in my books on transformation and others on the subject I have read is that I am one of the few who has actually experienced being a part of a transforming church. Admittedly that doesn’t make me an expert but I claim more credibility than most writers on the subject. The truth is, I don’t claim to be an expert on church transformation. But just by knowing something on the subject puts me worlds ahead of others. Transforming a church is a subject few know much about. This is rather astounding considering that there are hundreds of thousands of churches in North America in dire need of transformation. I would seem that more help for those wanting and needing transformation would be available.

For years it has been my view that there are really no experts in transformation because transforming a church is such an organic operation. There are no two churches just alike, so a one-size-fits-all approach will not work. There can never be a handbook made available to churches to get transformation done – something like “Church Transformation for Dummies”. There are some basic principles and systems that must be in place and functioning well for any church to be healthy and grow. I believe it is true that a church may have an increase in worship attendance, even a sizable increase, without being healthy. Measuring the attendance in morning worship is not the only or the best indicator of health and growth. Things such as worship attendance and giving are much like vital signs that are taken to keep abreast of the present condition of the patient. Working as an Emergency Medical Technician I have taken lots of vital signs. Sometimes they told me exactly what was going on with my patient and sometimes they misled me. Occasionally a person with great vital signs would completely crap out on me. The vital signs are helpful but not the only thing to be looked at.

A much more important measurement to be taken is the spiritual vitality of the church. One must consistently ask, “Are these people growing spiritually.” Some people believe spiritual growth can’t be measured. Perhaps not. But it can almost always be observed. Just take a look at how individuals are treating those closest to them. Is that behavior getting better? Take a look at how the people are investing their time. Are they spending more time doing significant ministry in the community? Don’t confuse spending more time at the church with doing significant ministry. Sometimes these are two very different things. I am a great believer in the 1-5-4 principle of church growth. 1-The church’s primary mission is summed up in the Great Commission: to go into the world and makes disciples. 5-A healthy church does five things consistently and well: Worship; Discipleship; Evangelism; Fellowship and Mission. When I say, the church, I mean those of us who make up the church. 4-Growth is measured four ways: Numerical growth; Spiritual growth; Ministry growth and Mission growth. In a healthy church, each year more believers are being added to the Body of Christ; more people are deepening their walk with God through practicing spiritual disciplines; more people are involved in ministry in the life of the church and more people are involved in the outreach/mission of the church. These things are much more difficult to measure than counting heads and counting dollars. It takes a system to be close enough to the people to observe these things. The best way to do that is by implementing healthy small groups.

Another thing that almost every church must address is how we speak to and treat each other. For some odd reason we think we should tolerate extremely poor behavior in the church. Like it is the “Christian” thing to do to never call down bad behavior? We allow people to speak unkindly to each other; for disagreements to deteriorate into name calling; for voices to be raised and we explain that behavior away with, “That is just the way they are.” And that is probably the way they will stay unless someone challenges them to adopt better behavior. Churches need to adopt clear policies on what is and what is not appropriate behavior in the church.

Another system that must be changed is gossip. More harm is done through gossip than any other sin in the church. We are so accustomed to gossiping that we often don’t realize we are doing it. Here is some help. If you are talking negatively about someone and they are not present, that is gossip. If you are talking about a person or a problem and you are not a part of the problem or the solution, you are gossiping. When first moving away from gossiping, it is amazing how quiet things become and how short conversations are.

Another basic system change in the church is raising the bar. For several decades, churches, in an effort to attract more unbelievers to the church, have lowered expectations of church membership. Expectations have now been reduced to occasional attendance in Sunday worship and some sort of limited financial commitment. And that is considered an active member. Everything else has become optional. And for the church member who doesn’t even show up, we just move them to inactive status. When more is expected of a church member (a disciple of Christ) more is delivered. Also, younger generations are not interested in something that has so little expectations. People desire to be a part of something that matters, that impacts them and others, something that has real meaning. A church must raise its expectations to become a growing, healthy church.

So, like it said; I am not a know-it-all. But I am a know-a-little-something.

BTW, if you haven’t, that a look at my new web site – www.williamtmcconnell.com.

Copyright © 2014, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved

Eat a Car

Children’s Moment has always been one of my favorite parts of the “modern” worship experience. We claim we do them for the children but the truth is we do it for the adults. We love to see the kids in church. It makes us feel good. And, usually, the message given is over the children’s heads but the adults get it. I love them because you never know what is going to happen. Especially when the leader starts asking questions.
 

A few years ago my sister, Kayce, and I attended the funeral of one of our favorite aunts, Aunt Carolyn. Carolyn had been married to my mother’s brother George since the Apostle Paul was a boy. Uncle George was a Baptist preacher and a college professor. Considering those two negatives, Uncle George was a great guy and lots of fun. But he could not hold a candle to Aunt Carolyn. She had a million dollar smile that lit up a room and a personality to go with it. She was an utter joy to be around. She had fun everywhere she went and if she wasn’t having fun, she fooled you into believing she was. One spring Sunday afternoon they showed up at a reception a church was holding for me. Like most church functions I have attended, this one would not be labeled “fun.” George and Carolyn buzzed into the room and soon caught my attention. They seemed to know everyone in the room and also seemed thrilled to see them all. It took them several minutes to circulate to my position. Uncle George shook my hand and explained their presence by telling me that they used to serve the Baptist Church in town and thought it might be fun to drop by. Aunt Carolyn smiled her wonderful smile, warmly embraced me and whispered in my ear, “Aren’t these things just boring as Hell?” She stepped back and smiled. I cracked up.

I tell you all of that so you can better understand my Aunt Carolyn. They started telling “Carolyn” stories at her funeral. One person told of her leading a children’s moment at there huge Baptist Church. She was well into her 80’s and still working with little children in her church. She was preparing to “retire” and move to Florida, so the powers that be asked Caroline to share the children’s message her final Sunday at worship. Like she did everything, she graciously accepted the invitation. They say she came up to the front and sat on the chancel steps. I huge group of preschoolers gathered at her feet and she began to tell a story. The person sharing at the funeral said the children were mesmerized. She was telling a wonderful story that included different voices for different characters. At the end of the story, Aunt Carolyn paused. All of the children (and the congregation) sat, transfixed, waiting to hear the moral of the story. They were doing that because they were veteran church people who knew that all good church stories have morals. Well, Aunt Carolyn smiled her megawatt smile at the group and announced: “Oh, it doesn’t have a moral. It’s just a good story.” The crowd went wild.

Anyway, this Sunday morning the adorable couple who do the children’s moment gathered the children to talk about what they have been learning in Sunday school – which is about the battle of Jericho. So Will warmed the group by asking questions. His first question was, “What is something hard to do?” That got me to thinking. In my younger years things like changing a tire or building a rock wall or shoveling the snow off of our mile long driveway or running five miles or pitching an entire baseball game were pretty challenging. Now things like tying my shoes and changing a light bulb have become hard to do. All of the hands went up and the first kid Will points to says, “Eat a car.” Wow. Why hadn’t I thought of that? On a list of hard things to do, that would have to rank near the top. Like my Aunt Caroline, children’s minds are just more fun than most adult minds. You could have given me a hundred years and I never would have thought of “eat a car.”

I love children’s moment. Since I no longer have a child’s mind enjoy it gives me a chance to look into theirs. And think about eating a car.

Copyright (c) 2014, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved

All Part of Being Cool

It has been interesting to watch the church over the past several decades as it has attempted to address an ever changing culture. We have been working at finding ways to connect with a growing population of people who seem not particularly interested in attending church. This disinterest has morphed to the point that many in the culture are hostile toward the church. During those decades a vast majority of mainline denominational churches have experienced significant declines in membership and attendance. We are hemorrhaging membership.

 

In attempting to deal with a dilemma that could be seen as possibly mortal to the life of the church, we have been trying many different things. Let’s just take a peek at a few of those things the church has tried the past several years to attract the disinterested:

1.     Liberal Theology. Let’s cut down on the God talk; cull that embarrassing supernatural stuff out of the Bible; assure everyone that there is no sin and God is cool with whatever they choose to do; judgment is out and acceptance is in; what you believe doesn’t matter as long as you act nice (Go Green, Baby!!) and give an agreeable nod toward God (Whomever or whatever he or she may be); be proud to project the image that I am a Christian but I look and act just like people who don’t claim to know God; agree with the vocal progressive majority on whatever is the hot social topic of the day.

2.     Seeker Friendly Church. Do whatever it takes to not seem like church. Get rid of the stained glass windows, crosses, vestments, and steeples. Watch your language and don’t say things like “sin”, “lost”, “hell”, “salvation”, “fellowship”, and anything that sounds the least little bit like Latin. Do not wear a tie. Jeans are the best. Serve coffee.

3.     Contemporary Worship. Take the seeker friendly model and add the following: Avoid singing anything that sounds even a little bit like a hymn; have a band made up of two guitars, a bass, a keyboardist and a drummer; meet in a warehouse or empty mall; ditch the pulpit and replace it with a stool and a modern table; equip the venue with great electronics – multi channel, high quality sound system and an HD video projector with a huge screen; project the scripture and songs on the screen; use cool videos.

4.     Post Modern/Emergent. Bring the stained glass and crosses back in; lose the stool and table but don’t bring the pulpit back; light some candles and burn some incense; do NOT preach but instead tell stories; go low tech; it is okay to meet in an old fashioned church building; continue wearing jeans and add cool shoes, a sport shirt or a T shirt with the tail out, facial hair, funky hairdo, and cool glasses; have people text you during the message (It is a message because we no longer preach.); go out for a beer with the boys after worship.

If you haven’t noticed, what we of the church have been trying to do for the past few decades is be cool. If we can be cool then people will like us (Especially the cool people.) and come to church with us. We believe that people don’t come to church because they think the church and the people who go to church are not with it, relevant, the message isn’t applicable to our times and church is a waste of time. We believe they don’t think we are cool but if we could make them believe we are cool they would come. Their lack of interest couldn’t possibly be caused by the fact that we seem to spend a whole lot of time at church and it hasn’t seemed to make much of an impact on our lives so why would they want to waste their time in such an unproductive pursuit?

Perhaps our pursuit of being cool is a waste of time and energy. As I read the New Testament, it seems that Jesus never encouraged his followers to be cool. I think he encouraged us to be real, to follow him, to make disciples, to love God, to love one another, to love our enemies, to be servants, to be last instead of first. The whole deal sounds profoundly un-cool to me. As a friend wrote in response to an earlier blog, we want for the cool kids to like us and “we can’t nuance our way into being accepted by the cool kids as Christians.” As long as God and faith and morality come with the deal, it is not going to be popular or cool.  

Please understand that I understand cool. I used to be cool.  I was a teenager. Cool came easy.  Everything I did was all part of being cool.

All of the elements were there.  I dated one of the prettiest and most popular girls in school.  I hung out with cool people, played football and baseball, partied with the best of them, did well in school (but not “too good” and get labeled a brain), wore the right clothes, strutted, and drove a convertible.

The convertible was only somewhat cool. It was my mother's car.  It would have been cooler if it had been my car, but owning a car as a teenager had not yet become the constitutionally protected right it is today.  By the way, my mother drove a convertible until we pried the car keys out of her wrinkled old hand.  In our family, convertibles were just a part of our lives. Dad made enough money to keep my mother in a supply of very nice late model convertibles. My favorite mom verses convertible story was the day mother carefully rolled up all the windows and locked the doors. It was after she was in the store that we told her that she had left the top down.

Anyway, all of these elements that I carefully pieced together were a part of being cool. But they were not the deciding factors.  The most important thing I had going for me that helped make me cool was the fact I was between the ages of 13 and 23.Sometime in my twenties, my cool switch flipped.  I can't tell you exactly when it happened.  But it definitely happened. After reaching the "magic" age of un-coolness, all attempts to be cool just serve to make one look stupid.  And that is okay.  Because, if being cool is important to you after the age of 25, if you are spending much time, money and effort on being cool, you probably are stupid.

It was worse in my case.  Not only did I get to be too old to be cool, I went to un-cool school.  It was known as Seminary.  Even before entering Seminary, I suspected it was not a haven for studs.  And I resisted going.  Boy, did I resist!  My response to a call to the ministry is not a pretty story.  I didn't particularly like ministers and the thought of actually being one made me nauseous.  So, yours truly, "Stanley Stud," found himself as a 21 year old college graduate and a very unhappy camper in un-cool school.  Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor?

Years have passed and I have adjusted to being a minister, not being cool and not driving a convertible.  I was doing pretty well until just a few years ago.  A friend of mine and I attended a meeting of the Ministerial Association in another community in another state.  It was a traumatic experience.  What a group!  Since I didn't know whether it was funny or tragic, I opted for funny and decided (as my little sister used to say) "'tis better to laugh than to cry." I later came to know and appreciate every person who attended the meeting that day. But, as an outsider looking in, they were embarrassing. They could be described many ways.  A Laurel and Hardy Recovery group working on not falling down all the time.  A group researching ways to make life seem much more serious and complicated than it really is.  A political action group dedicated to lots of politics with very little action.  But I think my friend described the group best when he said, "I felt like I was at a Nerd Convention."

I was reminded of why I resisted going into the ministry and am still vaguely embarrassed admitting to a new acquaintance that I am a minister.  We preachers had to have attended un-cool school to be as un-cool as we are.  It couldn't just come naturally.  Preachers need classes to learn how to dress goofy; believe being professional is more important than being real; answer questions nobody is asking; be more concerned with theology and doctrine than touching kids' lives for Christ; and be so out of touch with reality as to actually believe anyone else really cares as much about doctrine as we do. And then, in the midst of our un-coolness, we think we are going to attract the “cool kids” by being cool ourselves.

Pray for the preachers and our churches.  I think we may be in trouble.  And pray for me.  I don't mind no longer being cool, but I don't want to get to the point that when Disney World^® needs a replacement for Goofy^®, they think of me.

Copyright © 2010, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved