9 Reasons Unsociable People Like Social Media

There is a lot of chatter around the subject of the sociability of social media. Many questions are being asked. And many of them are good questions. Is social media good for our society or are there too many negatives to the large amount of time many people spend on social media? Do we spend so much time and energy connecting with people in the cyber world that we are failing to fully live a non-cyber life?

If you are observant you have seen a table full of teens or young adults in a restaurant with their faces buried in their smart phones texting other people about what they are doing. Which seems strange to me because all they are doing is sitting in a restaurant not talking to the people they have chosen to spend the evening with while texting people they have chosen to not be with. (Yes I know about prepositions.) The question is asked, “Are we missing the moments of life as we attempt to record the moments of life?” We have all seen the people who, during a child’s performance in a play or at a recital, are busy scurrying around the room attempting to get the best shot or camera angle. Will they have to go home and watch the video to really see the performance?

It is not unusual for me to forget my smart phone and go a day without it. Even so, I have been a bit concerned that I am too tethered to it. Yesterday I downloaded an app that registers how many times a day I check my phone. Of course, I have to check my phone to check the app that tells me how many times I check my phone. Somehow, that just seems wrong.

Often I go to lunch and leave it sitting on my desk. The only thing that motivates me to carry it is that if my wife calls me more than twice and I fail to pick up she assumes something horrible has happened to me. I hate to cause her that heartache and concern, so I try to remember to carry my phone. But I will admit that eating lunch without my phone works for me. Unlike some of colleagues who seem to spend a majority of the lunch hour texting and chatting on their phones. No doubt these conversations are of great importance but they leave me, the person sitting with them, feeling rather unimportant and out of the loop. I occasionally think about texting them just so I can have their attention. Since when did the people calling or texting us take priority over the people we are with physically? It is like the old days when I found myself in the check out at a department store and the clerk would stop checking me out to answer a phone call. Why does the phone take precedence? For years I have had the policy: If I am busy, my phone is busy. If I am with someone I will not pick up a call. (Unless it is my wife. Reason already stated.)

Here is the other side of that coin. Social media – Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, texting and all the other forms it come in, works best for people like me. I am an introvert. Those who don’t understand introverts assume we are unsociable or antisocial. Not true. We introverts love people and we love conversations: Only we like you in small doses and are only interested in talking about meaningful matters. We love to talk but we abhor small talk. And even though most might not think it is designed for us, the “unsociable”, social media is a gift from God.

Unsociable people love social media because:

1. We can engage with you when and as often as we want to – or not.
2. We can end the conversations with the click of a button.
3. If you get on our nerves, we can unfriend you.
4. You can send us long texts and we don’t have to read them and you still got to say all you wanted to say.
5. We can answer you with an emoticon. Like this.
6. We can mark your email as spam and never see it or feel a need to read or respond to it.
7. If we don’t want to check Facebook we don’t have to look at it. For days at a time.
8. We save time because we think: Why spend three minutes texting you when we could just call you. And then we think: If I call you I have to talk to you – forget it. Thus we save all that time.
9. Twitter allows the user a message of no more than 140 characters. That is pretty much our maximum message anyway.

So, if you are looking for me, check out social media. And if I fail to respond to you try not to take it personally.

 Copyright © 2014, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved

Bill McConnell is Senior Minister at Lindenwood Christian Church in Memphis, Tennessee and is a Church Transformation consultant and a Christian Leadership Coach. He is a frequent speaker at Church Transformation events. His latest book on church transformation is DEVELOPING A SIGNIFICANT CHURCH and is available at Westbow Press. He can be contacted @ bill45053@gmail.com. Connect with him on Facebook or on Twitter @bill45053.

Texting

One of my best friends described me to a group he was speaking to as, "The youngest thinking old guy you will ever meet." Thanks, I guess.

I do try, in some ways, to keep up-to-date. But long ago I gave up on being cool or hip or with it. It is my belief that if you are past the age of 23 and still interested in being cool: first of all, it isn't going to happen and secondly, you are suffering from arrested development. Anyone in their mid twenties or older who is concerned with being cool needs to hear this important message – GROW UP. Cool is for teenagers and people who want to sell something to teenagers – people like pop singing stars and movie makers. The rest of us can just move on with life. Having been around for several decades and having served for most of those decades in the church I can say with some assurance that the world needs grown-ups and there seem to be several openings available.

If you are still interested in being cool, let me give you an exercise to do that will help you move past such a ridiculous notion. I have been around long enough to have pictures of me and others of my generation's historic attempts at coolness. Every time I think about being cool or watch some younger folks knock themselves out trying to be cool, I just take a look at some old pictures. I am talking about pictures of me with my long hair from the 60's and my bellbottom pants and leisure suits from the 70's, the mullets of the 80's and the "let's pierce our eyeballs" look of the 90's. There has never been a time that cool doesn't, in retrospect, end up looking much more like fool.

My research tells me that our fixation on somehow being cool is a relatively new phenomenon. History tells us that the idea of being special or cool or hip is only a couple hundred years old. Perhaps before then everyone was mainly concerned with just staying alive, keeping warm and finding enough to eat that they didn't have the spare time, energy or money to invest in cool. But now it is all about being cool. Billions of dollars are spent each year in the pursuit of cool. Careers rise and fall on coolness. Teens, and way too many adults, live just to be cool. There are car commercials that tout owning a certain car because cool parents drive cool cars. Children star in the commercials. Children have become advisers on the wisdom of a car purchase. In the commercials the children of nerd parents are ashamed of their un-cool parents and looked down upon by their friends with cool parents driving cool cars. So for those of us who have not yet made the treacherous trip to adulthood, cool is where it is at and children set the standard. If you have been to college you already know that the only thing worse than not being cool is not being open minded.

So, when I say I try to stay up-to-date, I am not talking about being cool. By up-to-date, I mean that I am trying to stay in communication with the people around me. Sometimes that is a challenge. The language changes all of the time. The methods of communication have changed radically during my lifetime. In the first era of my communication life, we did things like write notes and letters. These were written with pens and pencils on actual paper and delivered to the person or persons we wanted to read it.

Next, in my early teens, came the telephone. These were not carried in our pockets. They sat on a table or hung on the wall. Telephone time was limited with the limits set by my parents. Though they weren't, you would have thought they were paying by the minute. Which we did for long distance calls – a lot per minute. Long distance calls were calls made to a friend or relative who lived more than shouting distance away. The farther away they lived the more you paid for the call. You could make collect calls and the person being called paid for the call. These became useful after I had moved away from my parents. We used coded messages to communicate without paying the charges. Like when my first child was born. He was born not long after man first walked on the moon. So, when my in-laws were asked by the operator if they would accept a collect call from "The Eagle has landed," they refused the call and knew, free of charge, that they had a new grandson. Slick. There is no other word for it. We were slick.

The next communication device to arrive on the scene was the CB radio. It seemed like everyone had one and nobody who had one could stop talking on it. We put them in our cars and we had them in our homes. Instead of going by our names we made up names to use on the radio. They were called "handles." Mine was Cookie Monster. The reason I chose that particular handle has its roots in my theological understanding of eschatology. That and it is the first thing that popped into my mind the first time I was on the CB and somebody asked me what my handle was. It was a fun time.

The next communication devices to come on the scene were pagers. They were less a convenience and more of a long leash. Not much communication came through them. Just people checking to see where I was and wanting me to do something for them. It was not long before the first portable phones came on the market. They were not called cell phones and were expensive enough that only the rich had them. Needless to say, I didn't have one.

E-mail became popular. It still is. I do almost all of my communicating via e-mail. If you don't have e-mail, we can't be friends. Generally speaking, e-mail is free, fast, and you can get a message to anyone, anyplace in the world in seconds. Along with e-mail came instant messaging.

Now there is texting. It seems to me that it is younger people who text. Few of them e-mail anymore. Cell phones come with keyboards and texting plans. You pay extra to send texts. So, instead of the inconvenience of dialing a phone number (7 characters), we text each other (Somewhere between 20 and 200 characters.) Obviously we text because it is such a time saver? My guess is we text so we don't have to actually talk to the other person. That is way too personal. If I text I can be rude, crude and socially unacceptable and nobody is going to get right back in my face about it.

Anyway, now we are texting. So, in my eternal struggle to keep communicating, to stay up-to-date, now I am texting. If I want to communicate with my children I send them an e-mail, wait two days for a reply, give up and then text them. They respond almost immediately to the text. I lead a young adult Life Group. We communicate via texting. I love texting – NOT. Probably because I am not good at it. I can type over 75 words a minute. I can text about 75 words per hours. It takes me forever. But I am doing it because I want to stay up-to-date. I want to communicate.

Texting has a code. This code is groupings of letters that are generally accepted to mean certain things and replace the need to type out full phrases. I really don't know what most of the code means. But a dear friend who is not quite as old as I sent me the following texting code for the senior set. She titled it STC – Senior Texting Codes:

BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FYI: Found Your Insulin
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL…CGU: Rolling On the Floor Laughing...Can't Get Up
TTYL: Talk To You Louder

Anyway, if you need me, text me. I'll be your BFF (Best Forever Friend). Just give me an hour or two to reply. I am typing as fast as I can.

Copyright © 2011, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved