As I am
observing the response to the election of Donald Trump to the Presidency, I find
I have watched and listened to about as much of this whine-a-thon as I can
stand. I am wondering where all the grownups have gone.
Like
two-year-old’s throwing temper tantrums, people have taken to the streets to “protest”
his election… like that will change anything. I’m not picking on the Democrats
as a party… no doubt the Republicans would have reacted just as poorly if their
candidate had been defeated. Though it must be noted that they reacted to the
election of Barrack Obama with a bit more class than we are seeing displayed
following the recent election.
In all honesty,
I must admit that I don’t have any skin in the game. I couldn’t stand either
candidate. I find it disconcerting that I, as a person who as a young man aspired
to a career in politics, have come to the point that I am completely disillusioned
with what the political system has become and have lost all respect for
politicians doing their self-serving business as usual. I feel that any person
who invests any hope in the government solving our social ills is ignorant, ill-informed
or pathetically naive.
My concerns
are not about who was elected, because I seriously doubt it will make any
difference. What concerns me is, instead, the whiny, immature reaction to
whomever was elected? We have had: Demonstrations in the streets that would
ultimately change nothing; Letters, cards, e-mails and even threats to the
members of the Electoral College demanding they not vote as they were
obligated; Demands that we do away with the Electoral College; College students
requiring time off from tests and classes because of the emotional upheaval
caused by the defeat of their candidate. Some campuses even provided
counseling, safe zones and therapy for the poor traumatized students. Pathetic.
We could use some grownups around here.
It seems
that for the past few decades we have been in the process of producing a mass
of immature “grownups.” They are large… well fed… are generally well educated…
some of them have jobs… pretty good with technology… spend lots of money and
have the emotional maturity of twelve years old’s. This does not include all
younger people, but it would seem to describe a noteworthy chunk of the
population.
There are
significant shifts in child rearing that have occurred over my lifetime that
have brought the outcome we are experiencing. The first I noticed was when my
generation hit our twenties. When we were growing up, a person over the age of
21 was addressed as Sir or Ma’am or as Mr. or Mrs. Soandso. In our quest to be
forever young, we, instead, insisted that children call us by our first names;
something usually reserved for close friends… the first step on a slippery
slope. Then when we started having children we decided that instead of
respecting us we wanted our children to like us. I still remember the day my
father, whom I adore, told me, “I don’t care if you like me. I am not your
friend. I am your father. You will have many friends. I am the only father you
will ever have.”
Then we made
the brilliant decision that our children were precious little darlings that we parents
were tasked with delivering through childhood with nary a scratch nor a dent.
We became “Helicopter Parents”, hovering over our children making sure no harm could
come to them. Parents today who allow their children to walk down the street to
play in the local park are in danger of being charged with child neglect. It
has become poor parenting to let a child outside of the parent’s view. We have
lost our collective mind and are raising a generation of adult children.
Being and
old person I remember leaving the house shortly after breakfast, on a fine
summer day, and returning at sunset not having any meaningful interactions with
an adult all day. It was heavenly. It was fun. The best times I had as a kid
did not happen in the view of an adult. It was a part of the process of growing
up. Were their dangerous and freaky people out there? Absolutely. And we
sometimes ran into them. But me and my friends were the most dangerous people
we had to deal with. We were kids… we made bad decisions and did stupid things.
But we survived. We got into tense and sometimes dangerous situations and we
learned how to deal with them. We ran into some odd and off center people and
we learned how to deal with them. Sometimes we got hurt and we learned how to
deal with it. Sometimes we got our feelings hurt, were occasionally bullied,
had arguments and fights, didn’t get chosen for the team, got lost, got scared,
got scarred, got mad and we learned how to deal with it. It is called maturing.
Something we are stealing from our children.
Then someone
came up with the amazingly insightful idea of giving everyone who was involved
in a sport or an activity a Participant’s Trophy. Brilliant! No one ever had to
suffer the agony of defeat. We are all winners. Just like in real life. NOT! Proof
again that just because one went to college does not mean that one is
necessarily intelligent. Perhaps we should have provided participant trophies
for those who voted for Hillary Clinton in 2016 or the problem would have been
solved by giving both candidates participant trophies and declared them “Co-winners.”
I still
remember standing in line to pay my bill at a local restaurant chain and
reading the posted help wanted sign. It said, “Help wanted. Apply to the
manager. Good pay. If you come to work each day you are scheduled the first 30
days, you will receive a $50 bonus.” I read it a couple of times, thinking
something sounds wrong. Then it occurred to me that when I showed up for work
as scheduled for 30 days they let me keep my job. What were these people
thinking? They were thinking “We are about to hire people who have the work
ethic of a goat.”
I sense that
most adults, in our saner moments, can attest to the fact that it was the
difficult experiences we faced growing up that gave us the opportunities to
mature. Losing instead of winning, failing instead of succeeding, getting hurt
and getting over it, dealing with disappointment, falling flat, losing the girl…
the ballgame… the tournament… the election… the job, all were important
learning and maturing experiences. How do we expect our children to ever really
grow up if we wrap them bubble wrap, hide them away in our perpetual shadows
and keep them from all harm and alarm? Did I enjoy seeing my children go
through hurtful and challenging times? Of course not. But I loved them enough
to let them deal with the tough stuff because my desire was for them to grow up
into mature, functioning adults. And they have.
My hope is
that we, as a culture, soon come to our senses and begin again the difficult,
challenging, arduous, sometimes painful task of growing up some real adults. It
seems we could use some.
Copyright © 2016, William T.
McConnell, All Rights Reserved
Bill McConnell is the Interim Minister
at Norwood Christian Church in Cincinnati, Ohio, and is a Church Transformation
consultant and a Christian Leadership Coach. He is a frequent speaker at Church
Transformation events. His latest book on church transformation is DEVELOPING A
SIGNIFICANT CHURCH and is available at Westbow Press.
He can be contacted @ bill45053@gmail.com. Connect with him on Facebook @ William T.
McConnell or on Twitter
@billmc45053 or visit his Amazon Author Page @ Amazon
