Creating a Culture of Irresponsibility - Part 2

That we learn from our mistakes than our successes is an astute observation of the obvious. We learn much more about how to live life by living it than all other methods combined. Toddlers learn to walk through trial and error. While learning to walk, one of my granddaughters fell and bruised herself so much that I bought her a T-shirt that said, “My Granddaddy has already called 241-KIDS”. Unfortunately, there is no manual for life.

We have a new baby in the family. (When I say new, I mean hot out of the oven.) I just love babies. Not all babies – I would probably not be that crazy about yours. But babies are amazing and I love to observe them, hold them, feed them, and, yes, even change them. As wonderful as a baby may be, I am also struck by how clueless they are but how quickly they learn.

We come into this world with lots to learn. Thankfully, God has made available to us a multitude of opportunities to learn: Parents; siblings; friends; schools; books; YouTube and Google. The most powerful tool God has made available to us is life itself. As they say, “Live and learn.” God’s Word calls the process “Sowing and Reaping”.

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” (Galatians 6:7-8 NIV)

The not particularly Biblically educated among us have discovered this concept and named it “Cause and effect.” One does something and the behavior results in an outcome. Good choices result in good outcomes and poor choices produce less desired outcomes – Sowing and reaping. One sows corn, one reaps corn. One sows weeds, one reaps weeds. It is quite simple but we, with all good intentions, screw it up. We, as individuals, families, communities, and as a country, attempt to rescue ourselves, our children, our friends and neighbors and our fellow citizens from the negative results of choices made. And, thus, we steal from them the opportunity to learn the difficult truth that is to be learned from the outcomes of their poor choices. They figure, no harm, no foul. It’s nobody’s business what I do and it is not hurting anyone. WRONG!

It is human nature to resist taking responsibility for our actions. Blaming others has been a part of humanity for a long time. There is a wonderful and little bit humorous story right at the beginning of the Bible that makes this flaw obvious.

“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 

 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:7-13)

I love this story. As a counselor, I have listened to variations of this scene unfold in front of me time after time. Stated simply it sounds like this. “Yes, our marriage is a disaster, but it is his/her fault.”

Many of my counselees sound just like Adam and Eve. It’s a beautiful thing when God asks why they had done the ONE thing He had asked them NOT to do, and Adams stands up in front of his wife to shield her from any possible wrath and says, “This is all my fault. Don’t blame her.” Of course, he didn’t. Instead, as men have forever done, he immediately blamed Eve. When confronted, Eve immediately put the blame on the serpent. And he was thrilled to take the blame. His plan had worked out beautifully. As far as he was concerned, it was all good. Not taking responsibility for our actions is deeply ingrained in we humans.

Rules, laws, and religions have long attempted to control our inclination toward irresponsibility and its extremely negative consequences on the social order. Irresponsibility is not a personal thing, as much as we strive to make ourselves believe it is. A simple and obvious example is addictions. Addiction has a profoundly negative impact on the abuser. But it also impacts those in the abuser’s family and social circle. The impact is emotional, physical and financial and is powerful and painful. Irresponsibility impacts entire families, communities, companies, countries, and cultures. And, as damaging as it is, our culture, with the best of intentions, is busy creating a culture that supports and often rewards irresponsible behavior. In the name of being kind and compassionate, we are blocking many from reaping the results of their poor choices. In the short run, it seems the thing to do, since we care about these people. It is also less stressful for us (The Protectors) and rescuing people makes us feel good. Almost always, in the long view, our behavior as rescuers results in being detrimental to the one making bad choices. Basically, they are robbed of lessons that lead them to maturity and thus making better decisions in the future. In attempting to protect others we end damaging them.

Many parents do their children a disservice by: Going to bat for them against authorities in their lives (such as teachers and coaches); allowing them to leave messes around the house for others to clean up; not having chores; being allowed to attack valid authority figures in their lives; dictate the schedule and disposition of the family. Again, in the name of being kind and loving, we do damage. These unknowingly and unintentionally damaged children go out into the world and live lives that are, in many ways, catastrophes. These damaged young adults are incapable of working, shocked when confronted about their failures, feel intitled, easily offended,  and can’t have a discussion with someone who holds an  opposing viewpoint without feeling attacked and afraid. Many must feel like my high school friend, Donna Rose when she told me, “Life is a joke, a joke played on Donna Rose.”

CEOs of companies make poor decisions and the company and its employees suffer the consequences. Often their bad decisions result in products that damage the customers. The CEO leaves with a golden parachute worth millions of dollars.

Legislators make poor decisions that negatively affect millions of people and are reelected again and again. Some of these decisions undesirably impact our country and culture for decades. Again, with the best of intentions, they do the “nice” things that only “mean” people would dare oppose and do tremendous damage to millions of people through unintended consequences.

We must transform from being people-pleasing, “nice”, shallow thinkers and, instead, begin loving others enough to tell them the truth, allow them to suffer the outcomes of their poor behavior and decisions and thus grow and mature and gain wisdom: able to live full and fulfilling lives.

If we don’t we, as a culture, are going to begin reaping the chaotic world we have sown.

Perhaps we, even now, have.

Copyright © 2019, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved

Bill McConnell is an Interim Minister, a Church Transformation consultant and a Christian Leadership Coach. He is a frequent speaker at Church Transformation events. His latest book on church transformation is DEVELOPING A SIGNIFICANT CHURCH and is available at Westbow Press. He can be contacted @ bill45053@gmail.com. Connect with him on Facebook @ William T. McConnell or on Twitter @billmc45053 or visit his Amazon Author Page @ Amazon author page