One of the most interesting parts of being a pastor is
getting to see the negative outcomes of public policy and cultural shifts
close-up and personal. One great example that comes to mind is Ted.
Often, in days gone by, most small towns had a town
drunk: much like Otis on The Andy Griffith Show. In Harrison, we had a town
drunk. His name was Ted. All the pastors fondly referred to him as Ted the Town
Drunk. Ted dropped in several times a week to entertain me and treat me as if I
were his personal ATM machine.
One day, Ted dropped in looking for some money. I
suggested he work for it. (Thinking that suggestion would run him off.) That
was my first mistake. Surprisingly, he was all over it. My second mistake was
to suggest he trim the shrubs in front of the office. I immediately repented
and took back my offer. He loved the idea and begged me to let him do it.
Foolishly, I finally gave in. During lunch, I went home and picked up my hedge
clippers and heavy-duty orange extension cord.
I insisted on giving him a lesson before he began. Ted was deeply
offended. Lesson finished, out the door he went, tools in hand and a smile on
his face. He was going to show me I was wrong and he knew what he was doing. He
was wrong.
Ted had not been “working” on the shrubs for more than
five minutes when all of the lights in the office unit dimmed for a few
seconds. Everyone in the office turned, glared at me and waited. I counted. It
took Ted 90 seconds to come back through the door, trimmer in hand, with a significant
part of the cord missing. He looked at me and slurred out, “The trimmer cut the
cord.” I was both angry and amused. I replied, “No, you cut the cord.” But Ted
insisted that the Clippers had cut the cord.
My mind filled with things I had learned about Ted.
And suddenly I realized that irresponsibility was at the heart of Ted’s rather
dysfunctional life. He was likable, funny, smart and interesting. But he was irresponsible,
and it was ruining his life. He was convinced that nothing that happened in his
life was his fault. He sounded like the prisoners I worked within the prison
in LaGrange, Kentucky. Not one of them was guilty and all had been terribly
treated by the people in their lives. Everything bad that had happened to them
was someone else’s fault.
Part of this cultural shift I have observed in people
like Ted is the idea that “I have the right to be irresponsible but you have no
right to hold me accountable.” If you attempt to hold me responsible you are mean,
or judgmental, or unloving, or insensitive to my plight, or unloving, If one
has the gall to be honest or blunt, he or she is often silenced by being called
out as mean or racist. Since I am consistently both blunt and honest, I am
often labeled mean, or worse. Such a label doesn’t bother me for a couple of
reasons. First, if you really know me, you know better. Secondly, to be honest,
I don’t really care what strangers think of me.
My studies and life experiences and observations tell
me this shift began in the 1960s. As a child of the ’60s, my mantra was,: “I
can do my own thing and it is none of your business.” It sounded good to me.
Unfortunately, it is a completely unchristian. Because we are a part of a
community, we are responsible for helping one another live full, happy, healthy
lives.
“ So watch yourselves. If your brother
or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive
them.” (Luke 17:3-4)
“In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will
judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his
kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the word; be prepared in
season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great
patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when people will
not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they
will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching
ears want to hear.” (2 Timothy 4:1-3)
“If your brother or sister sins, go and
point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you,
you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two
others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two
or three witnesses.” (Matthew 18:15-16)
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin,
you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But
watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each
other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
(Galatians 6:1-2)
In our culture, we generally don’t do this. We don’t
because we fear being seen as mean. Currently, not being nice is the ultimate sin. In
reality, we fail to call people out on poor behavior and unhealthy choices
because: We have lost our moral foundation and are convinced that there is no
right or wrong; We are afraid they may become angry with us; We fear being
labeled mean or self-righteous; We fail to love people enough to tell them the
truth.
We also fail those people in our lives by not allowing
them to suffer the consequences of their poor choices and decisions. This is
especially true of parents. We hover over our children to protect them from any
harm and alarm. What looks good on the surface is very detrimental to allowing
our children to grow to emotional maturity. We learn from our successes and our
failures. Our life lessons will be terribly skewed if we don’t learn from both.
Participants trophies are a very bad idea that sounded good and kind and fair. Unfortunately
with this “kind” approach, kids don’t learn how to win with grace or lose with grace. Winning and losing are tools to help us in growing to
maturity.
That is one of the reasons that older adults find the
need for college students to have “safe places” and language police to be
pathetic. Suck it up. Get over it. Get over yourself. Lose the self-involved
sensitivity. Stop being offended every time someone says something you don’t
like or agree with. Please do, because I find you offensive. 😊 If you
don’t learn to do these things, life is going to eat you up and spit you out. You
will hardly survive life, much less enjoy it.
I am reminded of a mother who sent her son off to
college with instructions to deliver to the college President a letter she had
written. When the President read the letter the mother had written, he had a better idea
of what he was dealing with. The letter read:
“Dear Mr. President, I write this letter to introduce
my son and ask you to personally watch over him for me. I understand that while
on campus he will be exposed to people who will be smoking, drinking, taking
drugs, participating in sex and other immoral behavior. I am deeply concerned
about such influences on his life. He is a very innocent and naive young man.
Please keep an eye on him. This is his first extended time away from home
except for three years in the Marine Corps. Sincerely, Concerned Mother.”
THIS BLOG WILL BE CONTINUED AS WE LOOK AT THE
CULTURAL
IMPACT OF IRRESPONSIBLY.
Copyright © 2019, William T. McConnell, All Rights
Reserved
Bill McConnell is an Interim Minister and is a Church
Transformation consultant and a Christian Leadership Coach. He is a frequent
speaker at Church Transformation events. His latest book on church
transformation is DEVELOPING A SIGNIFICANT CHURCH and is available at Westbow Press. He can be contacted @ bill45053@gmail.com. Connect with him on Facebook @ William T. McConnell or on Twitter @billmc45053 or visit his Amazon Author
Page @ https://www.amazon.com/William-T.-McConnell/e/B001JSBRXG/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0
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