Radioactive

Last night, after we had gone to bed, I asked my wife to turn off the light. She told me that light wasn’t on, but that I was glowing. Let me explain.

Before qualifying for a kidney transplant, one must undergo a series of medical tests to make sure one is healthy enough for a transplant. As I have mentioned before, they want to sure you are not going to die of something else – especially under their care. They don’t want your death to be a black mark on their record. Heaven forbid. My donor has also undergone extensive testing to see if he is healthy enough for surgery and stands little chance of contracting kidney disease later in life.

The bottom line is, we are both extremely healthy. That was pretty much a surprise to both of us. He is, of course, in much better shape than I, and we are both pretty good looking (I must say.) but neither of us has been asked to pose for any beefcake picture calendars. I have had my GI track (Top and bottom.) tested, my teeth checked, my blood tested a couple of dozen times, my lungs X-rayed twice, several EKGs, an echo cardiogram and two heart stress tests. Oh yes, they checked my feet, too. It seems that everything except my kidneys is working fine.

And then, this week, just days before my scheduled transplant surgery, the “transplant team” decided it would be good for me to visit my Cardiac Electro Physiologist. Dr. Pelchovitz was concerned with some a fib I had suffered a few months ago and was pleased to hear that I had not had a re-occurrence of the problem. Just for kicks, they took ANOTHER EKG and sent me home. A few hours later my cardiologist, Dr. Murtaugh’s office, called and made an appointment for me. The EKG didn’t look right. They then scheduled me for another echo-cardiogram and another stress test. If either showed any problems, surgery would be canceled. With that stress I figured I would fail the test.

My wife and I went to the hospital the next day at 0’ dark thirty for the echo. Then we hopped over to the medical office building to meet with the urologist who would be caring for me after my surgery. And then back to the hospital for the stress test. By then I was thoroughly stressed. I didn’t need a test to know that. The best part was after the test was completed the technician said, “Here’s your card.” “What card”, I asked. “You’ll need this card if you have to go through a metal detector, like at the airport. It explains why you set it off.” “And why,” I asked, “would I set it off?” His answer was not comforting. “You will radioactive for a few days.”

Radioactive!! Are you kidding me? I thought that perhaps I would be like the teddy bear in the song, “Radioactive”. (Click to listen) I’m certainly happy I am not planning on having any more children. So here I am, in great health and glowing. Bring on that kidney.