Tuesday, April 11, 2017

My Parents' Good/Bad Parenting

I grew up a longtime ago in what many people believe to be a different world. It was different and it was the same.

Way back then we didn’t have cell phones, computers, color television or cable. We didn’t have 250 channels of worthless crap to watch on TV and could actually walk around without our faces buried in an electronic device. We didn’t have instant messaging and Facebook (Thank you Jesus!) 

We did have some things then that we don’t have now: front porches to sit on and talk to neighbors; milk and newspapers delivered to our doors, meals as a family with meaningful conversation; neighbors we actually knew; the ability to play outside; the exercise of walking to school; friends we actually talked to and unfriended by telling them to buzz off. 

But we did have several things back then that we still have today: criminals; perverts, kidnappings; crime; guns; drunk drivers; senseless killings; child abuse; broken homes; spousal abuse; inept governments; sports teams and rabid fans; and much more. Much has changed but then very little has changed. It was observed long ago – “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 1:9)

One thing that has changed are the philosophies and methods of child rearing. And in some cases, change is not necessarily progress or improvement. My parents practiced what could be benign neglect. There were few interactions between parents and children and, as far as the children were concerned, the fewer the better. Most parent-child interactions were not cause for celebration. Parents didn’t feel the need to entertain their children. Many of today’s parents are called “Helicopter Parents,” who hover over their children 24/7. In light of today’s methodology, my parents’ methods were archaic and somewhat frightening. But I would say in their defense, I lived to adulthood as a healthy, happy, independent and well-adjusted person. I would say they did something right. Allow me to share some of their good bad parenting decisions.

First, each and every time they caught me doing something wrong, they punished me. Fortunately for me, they didn’t catch me every time, but when they did something very unhappy happened. If nothing else, they were consistent. I learned the concept of cause and effect. Good behavior brought good results and bad behavior brought bad results. What the Bible calls sowing and reaping. I also learned accountability. The results of my behavior, good or bad, were my doing. There was no one else to blame.

They held me to high expectations. Anything under a B on a report card was unacceptable. When we worked on a project we worked on it until it was finished. If I went out for a sport I didn’t quit that sport until the season was over. All of the summer jobs my father found me while I was in high school were hard work. I was ALWAYS ON TIME to work, never missed work and NEVER GOT FIRED. From this outdated parenting, I learned a great work ethic.

If I got into trouble at school, I got in trouble at home. If I got in trouble with the law I would rather go to jail than go home and face my father. I called all of the adults in my life Mr. or Mrs. or sir and ma’am. And thus, I learned to respect authority and respectful behavior in general.

The best things my parents taught me were independence and fearlessness. They did this through trusting me to make good decisions and allowing me to be in uncomfortable situations, make mistakes and suffer the consequences of those mistakes. Here are a few examples of their craziness:
  • ·      Beginning in the first grade I walked over ½ mile to school and when we moved to the country I walked a mile to the school bus stop with no adults along for the walk.
  • ·     During the summer, I left home to play with friends immediately after breakfast and came home in time for dinner. And, no, I didn’t have a cell phone so they could track me. They had figured out I wasn’t some idiot child who had to be constantly watched.
  • ·      I learned how to safely handle a gun by age 12 and went rabbit hunting with friends.
  • ·    When I was 14, my brother was 16 and my little sister was 10, we all (sans parents) loaded up in the family car and drove from Louisville, Kentucky, to Washington, D.C. to see the sights and visit relatives.
  • ·     While in college my brother and I left home one summer for 2 ½ months to tour the country. We ate one meal a day (Which we prepared because our mother had taught us to cook.) and slept out on the ground. We checked in once a week via phone.


Were my parents perfect parents – or course not. But I would choose their methods over the accepted parenting methods of today. My siblings and my friends grew up happy, secure, mature and independent. Many of the children of today who have received trophies for showing up for a sport and been under the constant shadow, presence and (over) protection of their parents need safe places at college and to go un-criticized and coddled at school and the work place. They are unable to function in real life in the cold, cruel world and the parents need to take the blame for that.

Our children must learn that success is earned, criticism is healthy and helpful, disappointment is a part of life, defeat and failure are necessary motivation to attain success. Our children need to grow up and if they are protected from difficulties, challenges, heartache, loss, and disappointments, they will never mature. And if they fail to mature life will just chew they up and spit them out. Is that really what we want for our children? I think not.

Copyright © 2017, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved


Bill McConnell is the Interim Minister at Norwood Christian Church in Cincinnati, Ohio, and is a Church Transformation consultant and a Christian Leadership Coach. He is a frequent speaker at Church Transformation events. His latest book on church transformation is DEVELOPING A SIGNIFICANT CHURCH and is available at Westbow Press. He can be contacted @ bill45053@gmail.com. Connect with him on Facebook @ William T. McConnell or on Twitter @billmc45053 or visit his Amazon Author Page @ Amazon

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