Old and Dangerous: Armed with a TV

The problem with old age is that it creeps up on a person so slowly that you are old before you realize it. People can’t seem to get ready for it. Preparations are rarely made. Probably because none of us really believe it will happen to us. Old age only happens to old people, and I’m not old. Old is always 20 years older than I am.

Several years ago I took a church member, an 85 year old woman, to check out a retirement home. It was a beautiful facility. After a tour and a delicious free lunch, we left. As we settled into the car for the ride home I asked her, “Well what do you think?” She said, “It’s a nice place but there are just too many old people around for me.” I wanted to ask her what she thought she was but I didn’t want to be severely beaten about the head and shoulders with her purse.

I grew up in St. Matthews, Kentucky, a suburb of Louisville. As a teenager I joined my friends in making fun of the rich old ladies driving around in their huge, expensive cars. They were funny to us because it looked like they were looking through their steering wheels instead of over them. We pictured them sitting on a stack of phone books to get that high in the seat.

When it comes to driving cars, getting old can be dangerous. My father never was a top notch driver, but as he aged his driving got much worse. Riding around the hilly roads of Henry County, Kentucky was a thrilling adventure… especially since he never watched the road. He was busy checking out the crops and counting the cattle. My mother called him the most dangerous man in Henry County.

The only person I ever met who could top him for frightening driving was Edna Oyler. Edna was, as we say in Kentucky, a character. She was funny without meaning to be. Edna attended the church I served and, as she did everywhere she went, considered herself as in charge. She had more keys than the janitor, oversaw the kitchen, (I got a real insight into the church went I realized the pastor’s office remained unlocked and the kitchen stayed locked and Edna had the only key.) critiqued the sermons, harassed the choir and scared the hell out of everyone when she got behind the wheel of her car.

Edna, of course, owned a massive car and she drove down the center of the street… any street… every street. Partially because see didn’t see all that well; but mainly because she thought she was entitled to the center of the street. Remember, Edna thought she was large and in charge. She was a taxpayer so she owned the street. When she turned on a street in our little town people literally pulled to the side of the street, cowered in their seats and prayed for God’s mercy. Thankfully, Edna rarely got up over 8 miles per hour so when she did hit someone or something (Which she did with regularity.) there was minimal damage.

Old age is creeping up on me. A couple of experiences I’ve had lately have tipped me off. First, it took me four attempts to back my car into a parking space. Since I spent years backing ambulances and fire trucks into tight spaces, this should have been a piece of cake for me. I got out of my car and started considering how I could afford hiring a driver on my limited budget. Perhaps I will extend our family tradition and I will, like my father, become the most dangerous man in my county.

The other experience I shared with my wife. It was a Tuesday night and we were watching our new favorite show, Little Big Shots. As we watched the program a storm alert, a severe thunderstorm warning, appeared at the top of the screen. We looked at each other and immediately went to the window. It was a clear, beautiful spring evening. So we both checked the weather radar on our phones. Nothing. Clear as could be. Suddenly, what has probably already occurred to you, if you are a fan of Little Big Shots, occurred to us. Little Big Shots is on Sunday evenings, not Tuesday evenings. We had recorded the show Sunday evening and were watching the recording. And it had stormed Sunday night. Duh.

So we just smiled at each other, snuggled up on the couch and enjoyed the show and growing old together.

Copyright © 2016, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved

Bill McConnell is the Interim Minister at Norwood Christian Church in Cincinnati, Ohio, and is a Church Transformation consultant and a Christian Leadership Coach. He is a frequent speaker at Church Transformation events. His latest book on church transformation is DEVELOPING A SIGNIFICANT CHURCH and is available at Westbow Press.

He can be contacted @ bill45053@gmail.com. Connect with him on Facebook @ William T. McConnell or on Twitter @billmc45053 or visit his Amazon Author Page @ Amazon.