All Part of Being Cool

It has been interesting to watch the church over the past several decades as it has attempted to address an ever changing culture. We have been working at finding ways to connect with a growing population of people who seem not particularly interested in attending church. This disinterest has morphed to the point that many in the culture are hostile toward the church. During those decades a vast majority of mainline denominational churches have experienced significant declines in membership and attendance. We are hemorrhaging membership.

 

In attempting to deal with a dilemma that could be seen as possibly mortal to the life of the church, we have been trying many different things. Let’s just take a peek at a few of those things the church has tried the past several years to attract the disinterested:

1.     Liberal Theology. Let’s cut down on the God talk; cull that embarrassing supernatural stuff out of the Bible; assure everyone that there is no sin and God is cool with whatever they choose to do; judgment is out and acceptance is in; what you believe doesn’t matter as long as you act nice (Go Green, Baby!!) and give an agreeable nod toward God (Whomever or whatever he or she may be); be proud to project the image that I am a Christian but I look and act just like people who don’t claim to know God; agree with the vocal progressive majority on whatever is the hot social topic of the day.

2.     Seeker Friendly Church. Do whatever it takes to not seem like church. Get rid of the stained glass windows, crosses, vestments, and steeples. Watch your language and don’t say things like “sin”, “lost”, “hell”, “salvation”, “fellowship”, and anything that sounds the least little bit like Latin. Do not wear a tie. Jeans are the best. Serve coffee.

3.     Contemporary Worship. Take the seeker friendly model and add the following: Avoid singing anything that sounds even a little bit like a hymn; have a band made up of two guitars, a bass, a keyboardist and a drummer; meet in a warehouse or empty mall; ditch the pulpit and replace it with a stool and a modern table; equip the venue with great electronics – multi channel, high quality sound system and an HD video projector with a huge screen; project the scripture and songs on the screen; use cool videos.

4.     Post Modern/Emergent. Bring the stained glass and crosses back in; lose the stool and table but don’t bring the pulpit back; light some candles and burn some incense; do NOT preach but instead tell stories; go low tech; it is okay to meet in an old fashioned church building; continue wearing jeans and add cool shoes, a sport shirt or a T shirt with the tail out, facial hair, funky hairdo, and cool glasses; have people text you during the message (It is a message because we no longer preach.); go out for a beer with the boys after worship.

If you haven’t noticed, what we of the church have been trying to do for the past few decades is be cool. If we can be cool then people will like us (Especially the cool people.) and come to church with us. We believe that people don’t come to church because they think the church and the people who go to church are not with it, relevant, the message isn’t applicable to our times and church is a waste of time. We believe they don’t think we are cool but if we could make them believe we are cool they would come. Their lack of interest couldn’t possibly be caused by the fact that we seem to spend a whole lot of time at church and it hasn’t seemed to make much of an impact on our lives so why would they want to waste their time in such an unproductive pursuit?

Perhaps our pursuit of being cool is a waste of time and energy. As I read the New Testament, it seems that Jesus never encouraged his followers to be cool. I think he encouraged us to be real, to follow him, to make disciples, to love God, to love one another, to love our enemies, to be servants, to be last instead of first. The whole deal sounds profoundly un-cool to me. As a friend wrote in response to an earlier blog, we want for the cool kids to like us and “we can’t nuance our way into being accepted by the cool kids as Christians.” As long as God and faith and morality come with the deal, it is not going to be popular or cool.  

Please understand that I understand cool. I used to be cool.  I was a teenager. Cool came easy.  Everything I did was all part of being cool.

All of the elements were there.  I dated one of the prettiest and most popular girls in school.  I hung out with cool people, played football and baseball, partied with the best of them, did well in school (but not “too good” and get labeled a brain), wore the right clothes, strutted, and drove a convertible.

The convertible was only somewhat cool. It was my mother's car.  It would have been cooler if it had been my car, but owning a car as a teenager had not yet become the constitutionally protected right it is today.  By the way, my mother drove a convertible until we pried the car keys out of her wrinkled old hand.  In our family, convertibles were just a part of our lives. Dad made enough money to keep my mother in a supply of very nice late model convertibles. My favorite mom verses convertible story was the day mother carefully rolled up all the windows and locked the doors. It was after she was in the store that we told her that she had left the top down.

Anyway, all of these elements that I carefully pieced together were a part of being cool. But they were not the deciding factors.  The most important thing I had going for me that helped make me cool was the fact I was between the ages of 13 and 23.Sometime in my twenties, my cool switch flipped.  I can't tell you exactly when it happened.  But it definitely happened. After reaching the "magic" age of un-coolness, all attempts to be cool just serve to make one look stupid.  And that is okay.  Because, if being cool is important to you after the age of 25, if you are spending much time, money and effort on being cool, you probably are stupid.

It was worse in my case.  Not only did I get to be too old to be cool, I went to un-cool school.  It was known as Seminary.  Even before entering Seminary, I suspected it was not a haven for studs.  And I resisted going.  Boy, did I resist!  My response to a call to the ministry is not a pretty story.  I didn't particularly like ministers and the thought of actually being one made me nauseous.  So, yours truly, "Stanley Stud," found himself as a 21 year old college graduate and a very unhappy camper in un-cool school.  Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor?

Years have passed and I have adjusted to being a minister, not being cool and not driving a convertible.  I was doing pretty well until just a few years ago.  A friend of mine and I attended a meeting of the Ministerial Association in another community in another state.  It was a traumatic experience.  What a group!  Since I didn't know whether it was funny or tragic, I opted for funny and decided (as my little sister used to say) "'tis better to laugh than to cry." I later came to know and appreciate every person who attended the meeting that day. But, as an outsider looking in, they were embarrassing. They could be described many ways.  A Laurel and Hardy Recovery group working on not falling down all the time.  A group researching ways to make life seem much more serious and complicated than it really is.  A political action group dedicated to lots of politics with very little action.  But I think my friend described the group best when he said, "I felt like I was at a Nerd Convention."

I was reminded of why I resisted going into the ministry and am still vaguely embarrassed admitting to a new acquaintance that I am a minister.  We preachers had to have attended un-cool school to be as un-cool as we are.  It couldn't just come naturally.  Preachers need classes to learn how to dress goofy; believe being professional is more important than being real; answer questions nobody is asking; be more concerned with theology and doctrine than touching kids' lives for Christ; and be so out of touch with reality as to actually believe anyone else really cares as much about doctrine as we do. And then, in the midst of our un-coolness, we think we are going to attract the “cool kids” by being cool ourselves.

Pray for the preachers and our churches.  I think we may be in trouble.  And pray for me.  I don't mind no longer being cool, but I don't want to get to the point that when Disney World^® needs a replacement for Goofy^®, they think of me.

Copyright © 2010, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved