Gum Stroke

Why is it that the human mind tends process information and experiences and then interprets them in the most negative of ways? Well, maybe not all minds do that, but most of them do. That may not be a correct statement, either. What I do know is that the mind I was issued to carry through this life certainly tends to do this.

The doctor sees something on the X-ray and our minds scream CANCER at us. The boss says, “I’d like to see you in my office,” and the negative scenarios start playing out in our heads and one assumes there is either going to be a royal butt chewing or somebody is getting fired. Your girlfriend says, “We need to talk.” Every guy reading this knows that means she needs to talk, you need to listen, and this is not going to be a pleasant experience. The teacher, with a pile of papers on her desk says, “Some of you did very well on this project.” Three guesses who is in the group that did not do well on this project. You get my drift.

Being a preacher type, I spend more time than the average person around hospitals and sick people. I have seen lots of illness and trauma, and have learned to deal with it. But there is lots of it than I have seen enough of to know that it is not something I want to happen to me. Some of it might. Some of it probably will… especially if l manage to live long enough. But I still don’t want it. A couple of those are blindness and suffering a stroke. I love to see and to read. Blindness would be a huge bummer. I never have been able to see really well, but I can see to get around and to read. I want to keep what I’ve got.

I don’t know why I am so apprehensive about having a stroke. But I am. Nobody in my immediate family has ever had a stroke. My family seems to have thick hides but thin blood. With all that modern medicine can do, strokes are not only survivable, often they can attack the problem early and aggressive enough to almost totally negate the damaging results. Still, I have asked God to put me on the “No Stroke List.”

So, on a very hot summer day a few years ago, I left my office to head out to do some hospital calling. I was already in sick thinking mode. As I have done thousands of times, I started getting into my car. Entering a car is one of those things we do so often we don’t think about it… we just do it. When I get in the car, I step in with my right foot and leg and sit down. I then lift in my left foot and leg. Only this time, I couldn’t lift my foot off the asphalt parking lot. My first thought was, “Oh my God, I have had a stroke!” My mind started racing. Oh, no, I thought; I’m left handed and it is my left side that is impacted. This happened before the proliferation of cell phones so I am thinking; how am I going to get some help? Will I die before someone happens by and discovers my dilemma? I wonder which hospital I will go to. Will I spend the rest of my pitifully short life in a nursing home? I wonder if anyone will come to visit me. Will I be able to feed myself? Go to the bathroom myself? It is difficult to believe now how fast my mind was racing. All of this happened in less than a second.

And then reality set in. My next thought was, “What idiot spit their chewing gum out right next to my car.” Instead of a stroke, I had only suffered a misstep into a huge wad of gooey gum baking on the hot asphalt parking lot. Gee, that doesn’t seem so bad. In my books, a glob of gum beats a stroke any day. Thank you, Jesus.

Copyright © 2013, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved