Just Die, Damn You

Most of my time in ministry has been spent working with churches in small towns. I love small towns and small-town people. The first few years of my life I lived in the city and then, bypassing the small town, we moved to the country.

I loved living in the country. Lots of open spaces, no neighbors close by to bug you, campsites were everywhere, creeks to wade and play in, only walking a hundred yards to find a place to hunt, grassy meadows with that wonder of nature, grass, to walk through with bare feet and lay in and watch the clouds take different shapes. In the country, the grass wasn’t something to cut, it was to be enjoyed. There were woods to hang out in with trees to climb and wildlife to watch and attempt to catch. It was idyllic.

The rural and small-town setting seems to produce hardy, independent yet community-minded people. They tend to be friendly, funny, hardworking, self-sufficient and helpful. Small town living was something new for me. Lots of stores for shopping but lacking a wide variety of goods. They remind me of Garrison Keillor’s mythic hometown, Lake Wobegon, Minnesota. In Lake Wobegon’s business district was Ralph’s Pretty Good Grocery, where the motto was, “If we don’t have, you probably don’t need it.” The lack of merchandise called for occasional shopping trips to the city. Something nobody really liked to do.

Churches are much like small towns. Comfortable. Little changes. Everyone knows each other. Well oiled systems of interaction and life cause everything to hum along without much effort. People get to know each other and what reactions to expect. Small churches generally claim to be like a family, but the members really don’t know each other well enough to be family. Thus, they come across as a dysfunctional family.

As a church transformation advisor, I try to teach churches a better way that leads to growth. Most churches say they want to grow and then they resist everything proposed to bring that growth. It sounds crazy because it is crazy, but they want to grow if nothing changes. They fail to understand the basic purpose and nature of the church, which is about growth and change. Growth and change of the individual which naturally leads to growth and change in the church.

I rarely, if ever, give a church a list of things to do to bring transformation. But if I did it would look something like this:

• A growing church makes fulfilling its purpose, which is making disciples, its highest priority. Everything else is the small stuff.
• The type of music played, the color of the carpet and walls, who does what job, what one’s title is, what the preacher wears to preach in, who gets the credit or blame, whether a program succeeded or failed (Just learn from the experience.) has little to do with the transformation of a church.
• Make every decision based on the mission of the church.
• Learn to say “No” to good things that are not what God would have you do to fulfill your mission and purpose.
• Refuse to let the most negative bullies in the church set the agenda.
• Healthy, spiritually growing people make for a healthy, growing church.
• Pray more and talk less.
• Talk less and work more. God so loved the world that He did not send a committee. Move from committees to teams. Committees, by nature, sit and talk. Teams go out and “play”.
• Find places for everyone to do ministry where they are called and gifted.
• Don’t expect the pastor to do anything but to preach and lead.

After sharing these thoughts with hundreds of church leaders through consultations, seminars, and coaching, I have been surprised that just a hand full took the information and encouragement to heart and began working in the direction of transformation. Most church leaders went home, continued to do what they had always done and continued to get the same results. I find this response frustrating.

It reminds of a parishioner I had in a church in central Illinois many years ago. He was a tough, independent, headstrong old farmer. We were all surprised when he had a heart attack. He survived, had surgery and prepared to go home. I happened to be in the room when his cardiologist made his final hospital visit. During the visit, the doctor laid out the regimen of healthy eating and exercise my friend needed to follow to regain and maintain good health. After the doctor had finished my friend bluntly said, “I’m not going to do that crap.” The doctor quietly walked to the hospital room door, turned to face his rebellious patient and just said, “Well then, just die damn you,” and walked out of the room.

And that is what I want to say to church leaders unwilling to do what it takes to grow a healthy church. Just die, damn you.

Copyright © 2018, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved

Bill McConnell is the Interim Minister at Norwood Christian Church in Cincinnati, Ohio, and is a Church Transformation consultant and a Christian Leadership Coach. He is a frequent speaker at Church Transformation events. His latest book on church transformation is DEVELOPING A SIGNIFICANT CHURCH and is available at Westbow Press.

He can be contacted @ bill45053@gmail.com. Connect with him on Facebook @ William T. McConnell or on Twitter @billmc45053 or visit his Amazon Author Page @ Amazon