Experience and observation have informed me that boys and men generally drift toward maturity in our late 20’s. Some of us, later than that. Many of us, sadly, never make it to maturity.
As an adult, a pastor and a counselor, I have often wondered why many young girls seem attracted to boys who are thoughtless, selfish and sometimes mean and cruel. Do they find the “bad boy” type appealing? Do they think they can fix them? What’s the attraction? And then I thought back to my high school years and things came into focus.
Immature boys/men are commonly called jerks. When my wife and I were dating she accused me of acting like a jerk. I told her, “This is not an act.” Unfortunately, I was telling her the truth. I was and had been a jerk for a long time.
My jerkiness didn’t rise to the surface much in my relationships with guys. I had a huge number of guy friends and we got along great. Since I played football and baseball, I hung around with the “Jocks”. I loved cars (still do) so I also hung around with the “Greasers”. (The moniker came from our greasy hands and greasy hair.) Since I was taking college prep classes, I hung out with the “Brains”, too. But I spent a vast majority of my waking hours with the “Fabulous Four” – Kenny Brooks, Doug Brown, David Everett and me. We got into everything together and had a blast doing it. We double dated, worked on cars, ate burgers, slept at each other’s homes, shared families, did a little drinking, did lots of driving (racing) and did a little drinking and driving. We laughed until we cried and cried until we laughed. We walked miles together, rolled houses with toilet paper, blew things us, lit farts, visited the bakery at 4:00 am, drove each other’s siblings nuts, got into lots of trouble together, and sometimes disappointed and sometimes entertained our parents. If nothing else, we were fun to be around.
My jerkiness showed up most clearly when I was around girls. When I was a teenager, girls intimidated me. That’s not true: girls scared the waddin out of me. Generally, girls didn’t get me, but they liked me. I certainly did NOT understand them, but I liked them, too. Up to a point. I wasn’t comfortable when they got too close, when they wanted a meaningful relationship. When that happened, I ran like a scared rabbit. It was something they didn’t understand and when I did run I came across as a jerk. But only because I was a jerk. I say that because I looked like a jerk, acted like a jerk, sounded like a jerk and probably smelled like a jerk.
I indiscriminately broke off relations with girls I was dating for no reason or warning. I just walked away with no thought to the pain and confusion I was causing. Like many boys and young men, I told girls what I thought they wanted to hear without meaning a word of it and no sense of shame. It was just what I did.
I went off to college and left a trail of tears behind me and didn’t give it a thought. Now I am ashamed of what I did and who I was. A new adventure and lots of girls were in my future. I loved college but dated very few girls. It wasn’t long before I met a special young lady who was fun, funny and had an amazing personality. We dated a long time and finally got engaged.
Between my Junior and Senior years, I went off to ROTC training camp for a couple of months. During my time in Pennsylvania, I received a “Dear John” letter from her Well really, it was a “Dear Bill” letter in which she informed me that she had decided to end the engagement and cancel the wedding. I was thrown for a loop, but after giving her decision much thought, I decided she had made a wise decision. Honestly, I wouldn’t have wanted to marry me. You see, I was a jerk, and marrying a jerk is a one-way ticket to a miserable life. Good for her.
Now I am old and somewhat mature. I have left much of my jerky qualities behind me, but I sense that deep down inside I am still capable of being a jerk.
Copyright © 2018, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved
Bill McConnell is the Interim Minister at Norwood Christian Church in Cincinnati, Ohio, and is a Church Transformation consultant and a Christian Leadership Coach. He is a frequent speaker at Church Transformation events. His latest book on church transformation is DEVELOPING A SIGNIFICANT CHURCH and is available at Westbow Press.
He can be contacted @ bill45053@gmail.com. Connect with him on Facebook @ William T. McConnell or on Twitter @billmc45053 or visit his Amazon Author Page @ Amazon
No comments:
Post a Comment