Sticks and Stones

There is an old saying many of us grew up hearing. “Sticks and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Like much of our home grown wisdom, it sounds good but is completely wrong.

In his book, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, Robert Fulghum wrote: "In the Solomon Islands in the South Pacific some villagers practice a unique form of logging. If a tree is too large to be felled with an ax the natives cut it down by yelling at it. (Can't lay my hands on the article, but I swear I read it.) Woodsmen with special powers creep up on a tree just at dawn and suddenly scream at it at the top of their lungs. They continue this for thirty days. The tree dies and falls over. The theory is that the hollering kills the spirit of the tree. According to the villagers, it always works. Ah, those poor native innocents. Such quaintly charming habits of the jungle. Screaming at trees, indeed. How primitive. Too bad they don't have the advantages of modern technology and the scientific mind. Me, I yell at my wife. And yell at the telephone and the lawn mower. And yell at the TV and the newspaper and my children. I've even been known to shake my fist and yell at the sky at times. Man next door yells at his car a lot. And this summer I heard him yell at a stepladder for most of an afternoon. We modern, urban, educated folks yell at traffic and umpires and bills and banks and machines – especially machines. Machines and relatives get most of the yelling. Don't know what good it does. Machines and things just sit there. Even kicking doesn't always help. As for people, well the Solomon Islanders may have a point. Yelling at living things does tend to kill the spirit in them.”

The truth is: Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words can break our hearts.

Take a look at your vocabulary. Spend a few days listening to yourself. It is a jarring experience. Notice what kinds of things are you in the habit of saying. Do you say things like:

·       You are dumb, stupid, lazy, worthless, unwanted, a burden.

·       I wish you were dead.

·       I don't love you.

·       You are pretty.

·       I love you because you have pleased me.

When you compliment, compliment character. Compliment the person they are, not the parts of their lives they can't help. If a child develops a good self-image because of their looks or abilities, what happens when they lose those? Instead, compliment character: You are kind; generous; thoughtful; helpful; pleasant; honest; hard working; loving and faithful.

At all times in all circumstances, watch your mouth. It is not just a good idea, we will be held accountable. We read in Matthew 12:36   "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have spoken."

We say talk is cheap but it is very expensive in the damage it can do. It is generally better to think without talking than to talk without thinking.

Will accountability curb your tongue? What we say is important. “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” (James 3:6)

Most of us are free with angry words. We excuse ourselves by saying we were angry when we said them. Angry words can make you feel better but they do injury to those around you. The sign in one family's kitchen said, "Sorry doesn't fix it."  On an average day in the average home, mouths do much more damage than fists. Mouths can break hearts, shatter egos, break trusts, and destroy relationships. And no matter how much we want to, we can’t take them back or undo the damage done. Instead, build healthy speech habits and take control of your mouth.

The mouth Is connected to the heart. “Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit.  You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." (Matthew 12:33-34) Try as we may to change it, apple trees are going to produce apples and thorn trees are going to produce thorns. The way most people control their tongues is by keeping their mouths shut. Open your mouth and people can see right into your heart. To fix your mouth you may need a heart transplant.  By the way, Dr. Jesus specializes in heart transplants. “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26)

We would do well to be speaking words of life. Ask yourself, what are you saying and why are you saying it? Question yourself: Is it necessary that I say this? Will it build up or tear down? Anyone can tell you what is wrong and why you will fail. That takes no special insight or courage. Do you have the courage to speak up for God, your friends, your boss, your church, your family, yourself? God is seeking strong, courageous people with hearts for Him.

Take the time and energy to speak an encouraging word to those you meet. The Christian has a ministry of encouragement in a discouraging world. Practice using these encouraging words: 

·       I like you

·       Thank you

·       You are looking good

·       You are doing a great job

·       You are special

·       It is easy to see why God loves you

·       I forgive you

·       Can I help you?

·       Keep up the good work

·       I am so glad God gave me a friend-spouse-son-daughter-father-mother like you

Practice good speech habits. Look for something good about a person and tell them about it. Avoid the negative like the plague. Speak words of life. Speak words of truth, love and encouragement from the new heart God has given you.

Allow me to speak a good word into your life. God loves you.

Copyright © 2014, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved