Schooch Over: I'll Drive

My guess is that because I am a preacher people insist on telling me all of the preacher jokes they have heard. A favorite is about the state trooper who rolled up on a one car accident where the car was totaled. As he pulled the driver out of the wrecked car he noticed from his collar that he was a preacher. The Trooper said to the minister, “Gee, Reverend, you are lucky to be alive.” The preacher replied, “No problem, God is riding with me.” To which the cop replied, “You’d better scoot over and let Him drive. You’re going to kill Him.”

 

I am going to tell you the story of a wreck I had a couple of weeks ago. I realize that we all interpret our life experiences through the lens of our experiences, belief systems and world views. You can do with this what you please but it looks like a miracle to me.

 

I was heading north on Interstate 65, just about in the middle of Kentucky and half way home on my drive from Memphis to Okeana. I had just spent the better part of three hours stuck in a traffic jam. I later learned that the authorities had the Interstate shut down while clearing a fatal accident. I was feeling pretty good and anxious to get home to see my wife. Finally the traffic began to move and pick up some speed. We were still packed pretty tightly but moving well. The next thing I knew I was awakened by a loud grinding sound and sensed that I was up against the guardrail. The last thing I remember seeing was my side rearview mirror snapping off and flying away. Suddenly I was unconscious again. I have no idea how much time passed before I woke up again. If found myself behind the wheel of my Accord. The car was sitting about half way up the Sonora exit ramp, pulled off on the shoulder with the transmission in park. I was awake but in naa-naa land. I couldn’t form a thought, much less a sentence. I just sat there.

A Good Samaritan had followed me off the highway and was attempting to question me to ascertain my condition. Just as he suggested calling the police, a Kentucky State Troop appeared on the scene. He, of course, started asking me questions. “What happened?” Stare. “Sir, do you know what happened?” Stare. I wanted to say something but I couldn’t form the words. “Sir, have you been drinking?” I giggled. That helped. After looking me over for a while he said, “I don’t smell any alcohol on your breath. Are you a diabetic?” After what seemed minutes I finally managed to slowly nod my head. He immediately called a rescue squad. The paramedic took my blood pressure (Which was very high.) and my blood sugar. (Which was very low.) She and her partner loaded me up for the trip to Hardin Memorial Hospital. The State Trooper had administer first aid in the form of peanut M&M’s™ so by the time I arrived at the hospital I was about back to “normal”. Since the hospital food services were closed they did provide me with a Lunchable™ to help support my blood sugar. I can hardly wait to see how that shows up on my hospital bill.

A couple of hours later my beleaguered wife showed up after a long, dark 3 ½ hour drive. We went back to the scene to clean out the car and call a tow truck. The State Trooper had kindly moved it to a gas station parking next to the ramp. It was while we were looking at the totaled car that the realization of what had happened crashed in on me. And it freaked me out. How had I lost consciousness, drifted into the median wire barrier, then drifted across two lanes packed with traffic, pulled up the only off ramp within five miles and parked the car off the roadway while unconscious? I went back and looked: I impacted the median barrier for 25 years and drove around 200 yards to the exit ramp and then half way up the ramp. How did that happen? How did I do that? Perhaps I didn’t.

If you are a believer in luck you would say I was lucky. If you are a believer in science you might say that I did all of that subconsciously. If you believe in nothing much at all you might say “that was weird”. I don’t have enough faith to believe those things. I am a believer in God. As far as I’m concerned, God looked the situation over and said, “Schooch over. I’ll drive. You’re about to kill us both.” But that’s just me.

Copyright © 2013, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved