Thursday, August 29, 2013

I Thought You Knew

As I have been considering possible subjects for future sermon series I ran across the idea of a sermon series in which the pastor “comes clean” concerning his or her struggles in our faith walk and just living life. As I considered this idea I was reminded that it has been suggested that I should be honest with the congregation I serve and let them know that I don’t belong on a pedestal.  Armed with this knowledge they can then more knowledgeably weigh the content of my sermons. I really don’t mind making the announcement or preaching the sermon series. I just didn’t think that was necessary. I thought you knew.
I had no idea I was fooling anyone into thinking I am anything more than I am. I thought I was rather transparent and everyone could tell I am a normal, run of the mill guy. I, without much provocation, can shift into jerk-mode. When Nancy and I were dating and having a little spat (Meaning nuclear weapons were not being used.) she said, “You are acting like a jerk.”I replied with both humor and honesty, “Darling, this isn’t an act.” My dear friend, colleague and longtime accountability partner, Mark Garrett, is pretty good at pointing out to me that at least I am consistent; I am grumpy, opinionated and outspoken in private and in public. Hey, at least I am reliable. When I mentioned to another colleague in ministry that I attempt to be pretty straightforward about what a jerk I can be he said, “Yeah, but they think you are kidding.” Really? I can’t imagine why anyone who knows me would think that is a joke.
When I mention that I am a run of the mill guy, I mean that I am a pretty normal person. I think you know what I am talking about. I have my good days and my bad. There are times I am capable of being thoughtless, rude, selfish, and unkind. I am the kind of a guy who can get really ticked off and tell you about it. I am moody. My buddy Mark would say I shift back and forth from quiet and sullen to quieter and more sullen. I just plain don’t like to talk. If given any way around it, I will skip just about any kind of conversation. I love the internet because I can do business and communicate in writing and don’t have to talk to a living soul.
I know you ladies will find this difficult to believe but it is rare that I help out around the house. Often I don’t even put my dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I mean, how difficult is it to just lean over, open the door and drop a dish in? I couldn’t tell you where we keep the vacuum cleaner. I watch way too much television. I know you never do this, but often when the show I wanted to watch is over I will channel surf until if find a program I can tolerate and sit and watch that one too.
I don’t get into many arguments. Not because I am so laid back, good natured and holy. It is not that my relationships are so perfect or that I am so patient with the flaws in others. It is that since I just about refuse to talk, I don’t get into very many arguments. The key is that arguing calls for talking and I just don’t want to talk. But when an argument finally bubbles up it doesn’t take much to get me angry enough to say some pretty unkind things. It has been several decades since I got angry and beat anyone with my fists. But every once in a while I break out my Heavyweight Championship Tongue and just beat the snot out of someone. It leaves no obvious marks but the damage is real and it is ugly.
Speaking of holy, I am not particularly holy. Sometime I wish I were more holy and sometimes, when I think of some of the people I know who consider themselves holy, I am thrilled that I am not. I fail to spout Scripture at times when it is expected of me. I don’t pray enough with my family members. It has much less to do with not wanting to pray and much more to do with not wanting to talk. I have no trouble praying. I do it all of the time. But when I pray in private I just think my prayers, I don’t usually say them out loud. You see, I love to think but I don’t care to talk.
This next confession I am about to make you will find very difficult to believe. But just trust me about it. I am not romantic. I know that most people who know me are clutching their heads and screaming, “No!” But it is true. Most things that pass for romantic strike me as silly. I don’t care for chick flicks. I don’t like to dance. It seems to me that going out on a date is way more trouble than it is worth. I don’t send my wife flowers or cards nearly often enough. Though I am funny and can talk to just about anyone in public, I am quiet to the point of seeming sullen at home. If you are ever angry with me and stop speaking to me, you are not making me feel bad. Not speaking to me is like punishing a kid who hates school by kicking him out of school.
The list could go on and on. I look even worse with no clothes on. I don’t make up my bed. I read several books at a time and leave them lying all around the house. I receive multiple catalogues each week in the mail and have a very difficult time throwing any of them away. Thus, they pile up. I often get up in the middle of the night and watch television. (I am a great fan of infomercials.) Besides making me look even worse, my balding brings our household the added pleasure of stopped up the drains. Like I said, the list of my confessed shortcomings could go on and on.
So, now you know. I don’t expect you to be surprised or disappointed in me because I thought you knew. If you thought I was kidding, let me clear things up by saying that I am not. It didn’t take me very long to figure out the truth that John Ortberg used as a title for a book – Everyone Seems Normal Until You Get To Know Them. I also figured out that most people seem better before you get to know them well and most people look and act better in public than in private. I just assumed you had figured that out, too.
I thought you knew who I really am. I thought you knew.
Copyright © 2008, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved

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