As I have been considering possible subjects for
future sermon series I ran across the idea of a sermon series in which the
pastor “comes clean” concerning his or her struggles in our faith walk and just
living life. As I considered this idea I was reminded that it has been
suggested that I should be honest with the congregation I serve and let them
know that I don’t belong on a pedestal. Armed with this knowledge they can then more knowledgeably
weigh the content of my sermons. I really don’t mind making the announcement or
preaching the sermon series. I just didn’t think that was necessary. I thought
you knew.
I had no idea I was fooling anyone into thinking I am
anything more than I am. I thought I was rather transparent and everyone could
tell I am a normal, run of the mill guy. I, without much provocation, can shift
into jerk-mode. When Nancy and I were dating and having a little spat (Meaning
nuclear weapons were not being used.) she said, “You are acting like a jerk.”I replied
with both humor and honesty, “Darling, this isn’t an act.” My dear friend, colleague
and longtime accountability partner, Mark Garrett, is pretty good at pointing
out to me that at least I am consistent; I am grumpy, opinionated and outspoken
in private and in public. Hey, at least I am reliable. When I mentioned to another
colleague in ministry that I attempt to be pretty straightforward about what a
jerk I can be he said, “Yeah, but they think you are kidding.” Really? I can’t
imagine why anyone who knows me would think that is a joke.
When I mention that I am a run of the mill guy, I mean
that I am a pretty normal person. I think you know what I am talking about. I have
my good days and my bad. There are times I am capable of being thoughtless,
rude, selfish, and unkind. I am the kind of a guy who can get really ticked off
and tell you about it. I am moody. My buddy Mark would say I shift back and
forth from quiet and sullen to quieter and more sullen. I just plain don’t like
to talk. If given any way around it, I will skip just about any kind of
conversation. I love the internet because I can do business and communicate in
writing and don’t have to talk to a living soul.
I know you ladies will find this difficult to believe
but it is rare that I help out around the house. Often I don’t even put my
dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I mean, how difficult is it to just lean over,
open the door and drop a dish in? I couldn’t tell you where we keep the vacuum
cleaner. I watch way too much television. I know you never do this, but often
when the show I wanted to watch is over I will channel surf until if find a
program I can tolerate and sit and watch that one too.
I don’t get into many arguments. Not because I am so
laid back, good natured and holy. It is not that my relationships are so
perfect or that I am so patient with the flaws in others. It is that since I
just about refuse to talk, I don’t get into very many arguments. The key is
that arguing calls for talking and I just don’t want to talk. But when an
argument finally bubbles up it doesn’t take much to get me angry enough to say
some pretty unkind things. It has been several decades since I got angry and
beat anyone with my fists. But every once in a while I break out my Heavyweight
Championship Tongue and just beat the snot out of someone. It leaves no obvious
marks but the damage is real and it is ugly.
Speaking of holy, I am not particularly holy. Sometime
I wish I were more holy and sometimes, when I think of some of the people I
know who consider themselves holy, I am thrilled that I am not. I fail to spout
Scripture at times when it is expected of me. I don’t pray enough with my
family members. It has much less to do with not wanting to pray and much more
to do with not wanting to talk. I have no trouble praying. I do it all of the
time. But when I pray in private I just think my prayers, I don’t usually say
them out loud. You see, I love to think but I don’t care to talk.
This next confession I am about to make you will find
very difficult to believe. But just trust me about it. I am not romantic. I
know that most people who know me are clutching their heads and screaming,
“No!” But it is true. Most things that pass for romantic strike me as silly. I
don’t care for chick flicks. I don’t like to dance. It seems to me that going
out on a date is way more trouble than it is worth. I don’t send my wife
flowers or cards nearly often enough. Though I am funny and can talk to just
about anyone in public, I am quiet to the point of seeming sullen at home. If
you are ever angry with me and stop speaking to me, you are not making me feel
bad. Not speaking to me is like punishing a kid who hates school by kicking him
out of school.
The list could go on and on. I look even worse with no
clothes on. I don’t make up my bed. I read several books at a time and leave
them lying all around the house. I receive multiple catalogues each week in the
mail and have a very difficult time throwing any of them away. Thus, they pile
up. I often get up in the middle of the night and watch television. (I am a
great fan of infomercials.) Besides making me look even worse, my balding
brings our household the added pleasure of stopped up the drains. Like I said,
the list of my confessed shortcomings could go on and on.
So, now you know. I don’t expect you to be surprised
or disappointed in me because I thought you knew. If you thought I was kidding,
let me clear things up by saying that I am not. It didn’t take me very long to
figure out the truth that John Ortberg used as a title for a book – Everyone Seems Normal Until You Get To
Know Them. I also figured out that most people seem better before you
get to know them well and most people look and act better in public than in
private. I just assumed you had figured that out, too.
I thought you knew who I really am. I thought you
knew.
Copyright © 2008, William T. McConnell, All Rights
Reserved
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