Get A Room

I have been around long enough to see some good ideas become bad ideas. And often bad ideas have become good ideas. Drink lots of milk, I was told as a kid. And then suddenly, whole milk was going to kill me. Eggs for breakfast were the way to go. And then one day it was announced that eggs were going to clog my arteries with plaque. And then they weren’t. I have no idea what the latest egg theory is. And I don’t care. I have always eaten and loved eggs and will eat them till I die. Which may take a while since my cholesterol numbers are great.

Educational theories change each decade. I couldn’t help my kids with math because they did a “new” math. While in school I had managed to pass courses in arithmetic, algebra, calculus, trigonometry, plane geometry and solid geometry but I couldn’t help the kids with simple math. There is a new and improved diet out on the market every week. And then there is child rearing. That has changed significantly over the years. Some for the better – some, not so much.

When I was growing up parents practiced what John Ed Pearce called “Benign Neglect.” Parents had children and then let them grow up. If we (the children) needed help, we reported into our parents and made our request. Perhaps we needed lunch on a summer day. Or we needed a minor injury attended to. Or we couldn’t get one of our siblings to “play fair” and would seek a decision from the referee. As we got older we would request things like gas money or some new clothes. Early in life we learned that most interactions with adults were not to our benefit and those people were to be avoided unless they were our last possible resource to meet a need.

Summer time was amazing when I was a kid. There was NO SCHOOL!! We enjoyed this thing called “free time.” For those of you who don’t know what I am talking about, let me explain. During the summer break from school our days were not planned for us. We didn’t have a schedule. Adults were not responsible for making sure we were entertained. That was our job. We could pretty much do what we wanted to do. We left the house in the morning and played all day. The only parental requirement was that we return before dark. During the day we would report into the home of one of the group and request lunch. It was usually peanut butter sandwiches and Kool Aid™. If we got thirsty along the way we would just grab a drink out of someone’s garden hose. (OMG, call the child abuse hot line.) We dug fox holes and played war. We dragged out some simple equipment and set up a camp site. We walked to the river (several miles), borrowed a canoe and rode the waves off the barges. We went hunting with bow and arrow or shot guns. We climbed trees, built forts, swam in the creek, fished and caught crawfish, looked for arrowheads, smoked homemade cigarettes, had rotten tomato fights, camped out for days at a time, walked to the bakery at 4:00 in the morning, and did several other things I would share with you but I am not sure if the statute of limitations has expired. During the school year we did our own homework and generally enjoyed life. We were never bored. Or, at least, we knew not to tell an adult we were bored. Back then they didn’t feel it was their responsibility to entertain us. Instead, they would put us to work doing something helpful around the house. One job assignment was enough of a lesson that no kid complained twice of being bored.

Things have changed. Families arrange their whole schedules around what the children want to do. Vacations are for the children. A “good” parent never lets his or her child out of their sight. Some educators call them “helicopter parents.” If a child has homework or a school project, suddenly the parent has homework or a school project. (Who, exactly, is the student here?) Parents are responsible to make sure the children are always properly entertained, have the latest and greatest electronic equipment, the most fashionable clothes, and a ride to the multiple activities they have signed up for. Each time the family grows necessitates and upgrade in housing. Every child needs their own room. Now there is a commonly held really bad idea. We are rearing a generation of “Hot House Kids” who, when set out in the real world are going to shrivel up and die. The heat of reality will just be too much for them. I have hired some of these hot house kids to work for me and it has been a debacle. Even the simple task of arriving on time is completely undoable. Sweating is out of the question. Working for a full day is unthinkable. “I should go home because I’m tired.” Really?

Back to the subject of a room for each kid. I guess that became SOP about the same time it became every kid’s constitutional right to have his or her own car when they turn sixteen. My older brother Bob was only eighteen months older than I. When we were very young we were often mistaken for twins.  We grew up together. And when I say, we grew up together, I really mean TOGETHER. We played baseball together, we shared friends, we went on adventures together, we rode to school together, we double dated together, we harassed our sisters together, we fought common enemies together, we share joys and heartaches together, we worked together to outsmart our parents. We did just about everything together. And we shared a room.

I think one of the best things a parent can do for a kid is force him or her to share a room with a sibling.  It is in sharing a room that one fully learns what it means to share. In that single room Bob and I learned to share space. Sometimes we did that by marking off separate territories with masking tape. Once I made the mistake of not leaving myself a right of way to the door. I had to make a running start to jump from my side of the room to the hall. We learned to talk when the other needed to talk and to be quiet when that we best for all. We learned to either clean our part of the room or at least keep our mess on our side of the room. I learned, because I shared space with someone I cared about, to open the window when I smoked or experienced an unfortunate bodily function. We listened to the radio by common consent or not at all. We got on each other’s nerves and had some amazing fights. Then we made up and continued to be brothers and best friends. We shared everything because we shared a room.

I believe one of the best things we can do for our children is allow them to share a room with a sibling. It is in this adolescent learning space that life lessons can be learned that can later be put to work in college sharing a room with a roommate or in marriage sharing a house with a spouse. Parents, give your kid a head start on living a happy and full life of sharing space by NOT providing each kid their own room.

So, come on parents. You can do it. Back away from the children and let them grow up. You will gain some free time and they will have some fun.

Copyright © 2013, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved