The phrase “Rose Colored Glasses” has come up a couple of times in the past few days. In my growing up days, if one was accused of wearing rose colored glasses one was being accused of not being realistic, of seeing only what one wanted to see, of ignoring things that are obviously wrong – especially in relationships… at least to others observing the situation.
I was watching a show on PBS that featured some classic country music. On that show was a performance by one of my favorite fellow Kentuckian’s, John Conlee. John is one of the least known and yet most successful country music singer/song writers of the past half century. I, and his millions of other fans, love his smooth, silky, melodious voice and his heartfelt lyrics. His voice has been compared to smooth, rich Kentucky bourbon whiskey. Being a preacher I, of course, wouldn’t know. His signature song is “Rose Colored Glasses.” You can listen to it here.
The other reference to rose colored glasses came up in a book by J. Mark Fox my brother sent me. It was a book on how to establish a family centered church. But in the middle of the book was hidden a nugget of marital advice that surprised me because it, at first reading, seemed to have little to do with doing church. Rev. Fox was referring to the need for people to be very honest from the very beginning when considering becoming a part of a church. It is true that church membership is very much like becoming a part of a family. His advice was that, when considering joining a church, we lay everything out on the table and see if there is anything involved that could be a deal breaker. The process we use for finding a church is often much like our process in dating and finding a mate. While we are dating we tend to wear rose colored glasses and only see the best in the person we are dating. Then, after we marry, we exchange those rose colored glasses for a magnifying glass we use to carefully and thoroughly inspect our new spouse for any faults or flaws.
Fox suggests that we would do well to reverse the process – inspect the possible mate thoroughly with a critical eye before marriage and after marriage slip on the rose colored glasses and see only the good. It has been my experience as a marriage counselor that most often the problems we have in relating to our spouses were evident in the relationship during the dating process. But in the dating process, while wearing our rose colored glass, we thought that the problem behavior: was not even noticed; was endearing; could be changed; would somehow mysteriously cease or disappear. After marriage, under the scrutiny of the magnifying glass, the troubling behavior becomes, first, irritating, and then problematic and progresses finally to being unlivable.
I gained some local notoriety in the last church I served for giving the following advice in the course of pre-marriage counseling. I would encourage the prospective bride and groom to turn and look at one another. “Take a good look. A really good look. And understand that this is as good as he or she is going to be. This is as good as they are ever going to look. This is as good as they are ever going to smell. They are being as nice as they will ever be – this is as nice as they know how to be because they are doing their best to impress you. You are not going to fix him or her. In fact, you will do very little toward improving them in any way. This is it – the best it will ever be. Please take note of this truth and react properly.” I was just trying to be helpful. Some people insisted on labeling me a cynic. I think that was unfair.
I am in the process of seeking a church to serve as senior minister. It would be my suggestion to all involved to take off the rose colored glasses during the search and call process and get out the magnifying glasses. And then, as I am unpacking my boxes in the church office, let’s all put on those beautiful rose colored glasses.
Copyright © 2011, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved
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