I am not real big on board games or puzzles. My mind isn't wired well for doing puzzles. I don't have a puzzler personality. No doubt that says something negative about my personality. Perhaps if I were better at playing board games or figuring out puzzles, I would like them more. I cannot remember the last time I won at a board game. If you want to see something pathetic, watch me play a game of Scrabble®. I am living proof that one doesn't have to have a vast vocabulary or know how to spell to earn an advanced degree.
While visiting in a local nursing home today I was talking to one of the residents about the jigsaw puzzle she was working on. She shared with me that she had spent many, many, many hours working on an almost monochrome puzzle of two brown wolves standing on a brown rock among dried, brown grass. She had made very little progress but was elated that she had found one of the wolves' teeth. As we talked I couldn't stop thinking that when she was finished she would have carefully constructed a picture that looked just like the picture on the box the puzzle came in. I realize there is a certain sense of accomplishment that comes with solving the puzzle but still, most puzzles strike me as a waste of time. When you finish you have a sense of accomplishment from having accomplished something of very little of value. But that's just me.
There is one type of puzzle I excel at solving: connect-the-dots. Connect-the-dots puzzles are found everywhere. They are on the place mats restaurants supply for the children in your dining party. There are connect-the-dots books of puzzles. Most connect-the-dot puzzles are designed for preschoolers; a truth that could significantly impact the fact that I am good at them. It is fun watching little kids, clinched tongue between teeth, laboriously dragging the crayon from dot to dot as they seek to discover the hidden picture in the maze of dots before them.
I find it interesting that they seem to have no clue as to the picture about to emerge beneath the tip of their writing instrument. They are excited to solve the mystery of dots before them. Any adult looking over their shoulder can instantly connect the dots in his or her mind and see the completed picture without lifting a pen or pencil. I am also mystified by the lack of ability many adults seem to have when it comes to the great connect-the-dots game of life. Why is it that things happen, sometimes time and time again, bringing the same or very similar results and most times very predictable results and many people seem amazed at what has just happened to them. They seem, with a rather childlike quality, unable to connect the dots. Let me share some examples.
A lovely twenty something woman goes out for an evening of partying with friends. She has a bit too much to drink (Okay, she had way too much to drink.) and makes the decision to drive herself home. On the way home she has the fortune or misfortune (Depending on what would or could have happened if she hadn't.) to be pulled over by the police. She flunks the sobriety test is arrested and charged with DUI (Driving Under the Influence), loses her license and is hauled into court. Her response is, "Why did God do this to me?" My response to her is, "God did this? Really? This is God's fault?" She seems completely unable to connect the dots that choosing to drink and drive led directly to the outcome she is suffering. The outcome was a result of her decisions. She has no one to blame but herself. But she can't connect those dots.
Another example is of a young husband and father with a history of getting off track in his efforts to be a consistently good, godly husband and father. He doesn't do bad things; he is not a bad guy. He gets involved in not really bad things but things that take his attention away from those nearest and dearest to him – especially God. It is not easy for him to keep a consistent walk with God with all of the pushes and pulls our culture exerts on the life of a young man. He does best when he is regular in worship attendance, participates in a Christian small group, and is involved in ministry. But he slowly moves away from those things that keep him on the path. First he quits the ministry team he has been a part of and truly enjoyed. Next he and his wife drop out of their small group. It is not a really long time before their worship attendance becomes extremely spotty and then rare. Small decision after small decision after small decision and suddenly he finds that life is as he wants it to be but the marriage is not going well. His wife and family are not terribly happy with him and he and his wife are considering divorce. And then he wonders out loud, "How did this happen?" He seems completely unable to connect the dots.
I am a parent. My child doesn't like a decision I have made. In all honesty, I have tried to make the best decision possible. I have made a decision that I believe is in the child's best interests. But my child doesn't like my decision and tells me so. She tells me that I don't love her and that she doesn't love me. I don't want my child to experience such bad feelings; I want my child to be happy; I want my child to like me; I don't want to have strife in my home. So I change my decision and let my child do what she wants though I doubt it is best for her. This is not an isolated incident. This is how we do emotion business at our house. This is how decisions are made. Later in life, when my child gets older and begins making decisions on her own she tends to make short-sighted, emotionally based and unhealthy decisions. I am appalled. I am broken hearted. I am also failing to connect any dots.
A beautiful young woman is in a great marriage with the man of her dreams. They have some adorable kids and she has a fulfilling but demanding full time job. Not surprisingly, she is feeling a bit stressed. And she is probably feeling a little old what with the children starting to grow up and the slightest hint of a wrinkle or two appearing around her eyes. Life is not as exciting as it once was. There are no new babies to be excited about and she has gotten that education she was always looking forward to. Life has settled into a routine and routine is just a half step from boring. Obviously no harm would be done and it would add so much to her life if she were to go out one night every couple of weeks with her gal friends. They could go to a club, have a few drinks, flirt with some of the guys, dance a little, and just have some fun. No harm done. Oddly enough, in just a few months she finds that she is unhappy in her marriage and is considering separation. She wonders how that happened. No dots are connecting here.
A young person has a pretty good job. The work is not especially difficult, she is very qualified and the pay is about average in that industry. She is not working with her best friends and there are a couple of people at work who get on her nerves. But it is the kind of job that she can leave at work when she comes home. They don't call her in to solve problems. She is not on call. It is a basic 40 hour a week job with some occasional overtime if she wants it. She does have a problem. As a child she was the family darling and was never really held responsible for her poor behavior. If she failed to do her school work her mother would step in and cover for her. If she didn't keep her word, nothing much was said or done. Why be tough on her? After all, her parents thought, she is just a kid. When the boss got testy about poor work habits and her consistently showing up late to work, she just blew it off. She had a grumpy boss. When she got fired she was completely shocked. How dare they treat her like that? She is going to sue them. The dots don't connect.
I am a Christian with a wonderful family. I love God and want my children to grow up to be good Christians. So I take them to Sunday school and worship. I tell them that God is the most important thing in our lives. Because God is so important we never miss Sunday worship. Well, sometimes we do. But only on one of those rare occasions when something more important than worshiping God comes up. You know, things like, a special school outing or we get tickets to a football game or the soccer coach schedules a game on Sunday morning or we have a chance to go camping or it has been a difficult week so we need to sleep in or company comes and we certainly can't take them to church with us or it is raining really hard when we have to go out and get in the car or my hair doesn't look as nice as I would like it to look or the kids don't want to go and we certainly don't want to force the kids to do something they don't want to do or something like that. And the kids grow up and don't have much to do with God and don't make worship attendance a priority and I wonder why. I taught them to be good Christians. Or maybe I just told them to be good Christians but I taught them something else. Connect the dots.
A wife is disrespectful toward her husband and treats him like he is one of the children and he gets involved with another woman. Connect the dots. A husband is consistently rude and unkind to his wife and she leaves him. Connect the dots. A husband spends more time working on a project in the garage than he does on his relationship with his wife and the relationship isn't as good as it once was. Connect the dots. A wife criticizes her husband and he doesn't want to spend time with her. Connect the dots. You consistently show up late to work and you get fired. Connect the dots.
Okay, game time! Let's connect the dots. I am good at it. As a counselor that is what I spend most of my time doing with people – connecting the dots. I just pray more adults will learn to get a good grip on their crayons, concentrate hard and start connecting the dots on their own.
Copyright © 2010, William T. McConnell, All Rights Reserved
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